How could you let this be…?

In all my almost 27 years, I don’t think I will ever understand why some people have a hold on you and some don’t.

I think when something just suddenly ends, leaves you standing by yourself wondering what the fuck just happened, it leaves a ton of room for you to wonder. And I think when something leaves too much room to wonder, you can find yourself in a really big pit of never ending darkness.

Yeah, that’s kinda what I feel stuck in right now.

My mains hate the nights I sit here reading old conversations from years ago that don’t matter anymore, but sometimes I can’t help but look back on them. Did I miss something? What if I did and it just wasn’t recorded?

What if it doesn’t matter anymore?

Why does it still matter to me?

It just sucks.


In other news, I had lunch with M earlier. Our Sunday fav: Chiptole and Panera Bread. CJ offered me frozen Macarons for a burrito, even though I’d have to pay toll TWICE to get to him LOL. Silly boy!

After that, we stopped by World Market where they had big bags of Chupa Chumps (ahhhh!!!) and M stating the obvious… “I don’t know why you never finish your candy, walk into World Market and assume you won’t want anything.” LOL hush you. Then we headed to Walgreens where I got 3 new nail polishes (Athena, Zeus and Cinderella. Legit. Best nail polish names, EVER) and dinner at Panda Express (where the boy who served me had the same name as a boy I worry about).

Maybe I should work on something more productive.


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