Maybe I knew all along…

So is back up. After like, five years. Can you feel my excitement? CAN YOU?!

As much as I’d love to write some deep profound entry about all of this, it’s almost 2am and I just did three loads of laundry, so instead, I’ll leave you with this.

AUG 24th 2003

*Sigh* I wonder if I’ll cross path’s with someone later in life that’s just as willing as j0n was or maybe even more willing.. someone who’ll sit with me at Starbucks on a rainy day and listen to me tell stories about my life, allow me to reminisce out loud and use it as a way of getting to know me. Someone who’ll make me laugh with just words, with just expressions.. someone who’ll make my body fill up with a warm fuzzy feeling that leaves me dizzy and with my mind spinning.. leaves me smiling all night.. someone who’s presence make me feel safe and at home.. someone open minded enough to understand me.. someone who’ll sit with me in the living room and eat chips while we listen to music.. maybe even talking about our day.. our views on life and love.. and at the same time.. someone who’s a kid at heart.. but not too much of a kid. Someone who know’s their limits, and someone who doesn’t have his heart set on one hobby but is open to everything…


It’s kinda crazy how I use to think/write about this all the time back then… little did I know I would find someone. That Ialready knew someone like this. It’s just crazy, the way life works sometimes.

You can’t know happiness if you don’t know pain.

As painful as it is to read half of these entries (and I mean PAINFUL considering I forced myself to forget most of this stuff and re-reading it is like hurting myself all over again… that made more sense in my head), a part of me is glad it did and that I went through it, because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t had found Martin.

He makes all that crap worth it.


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