Before you fade out of my life…

So hold me close, cause I feels so right. This is my last chance to make it real…

SPiNNiNG: Last Chance by Allure ♥

This was my late night jam summer of 2002. Ten whole years ago. And it still touches me the same way it back then. It reminds me of warm San Francisco days, a hint of loneliness, boys I never wanted to hurt and boys I couldn’t have. Missed chances and accidental ones.

I use to tell myself I’d write novella’s of my favorite songs. Whatever stories they told me. You know back when I thought I was a decent story teller? Back when I thought writing a story was cake? Yeah, now ten years later, I’m starting to think I was wrong somewhere. Or I lost a piece of myself. *shrug*.

I’ve been digging up my old websites (at least the URL’s I remember) from geocities and hosted domains through this site that lets you do that and it’s just insane. I miss making non wordpress websites. Of course I’ve been so out of touch with it that I’m not as good as others around the web, but I miss how it was my outlet. I miss learning. I miss feeling accomplished. I miss havingthat. You know? If I were to jump back in it, I don’t remember anything. I don’t know how to code CSS and I don’t remember how to slice in Photoshop. It’s a little depressing.

Summer is near, and I’m starting to revert back to zel. I don’t know why, but she’s just begging to come out and play and we’re not the same anymore. I’m not 17 darling, I’ve got homework and responsibilities  now, sadly this summer is not going to be about having fun, writing, web designing and San Francisco. I wish it was. I’m truly sorry, to both you and me.

Maybe someday I’ll have time. Time to do everything I want to do. See everything I want to see and feel free. Oh I’d love to feel free…


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