Before I had gotten married, I was use to being alone. I valued my alone time. The quiet times I got with myself where I got to think and write and just be by myself. I guess growing up the way I did, you could take it in two ways: loneliness or salvation.
When I got married, it wasn’t just me anymore. It was us or we. There was another person in the room, the apartment, the house, the car with me. I knew where all my stuff was, even though for someone with OCD I have clutter everywhere I had a good idea of where things I’d most likely look for is. But now there was additional things in places I didn’t want them. Instead of silence there was “boo, where’s my ____?” which would be right in front of his face. Or “boo, where’s my ____?” which would be in his jeans pocket even though I washed those 3 times this week (how do men do it!?). Or my favorite “boo, it’s sooo hot.” which would be code for could you get me a drink? which I would respond with a middle finger which is code for fuck yourself.
Even though M and I had been dating almost 6 years by the time we go married, having him around all the time took pretty much forever to get use to. I don’t know if it’s because in some odd way it WAS different or because I didn’t want to let go of the idea of having my “me time”.
We didn’t live together for the first 6 months we got married because of complications. People get a little turned off by this, like it’s a sin or it’s so unheard of but it wasn’t that big of a deal to us. It wasn’t what I had ideally imagined when I was younger but you know, life always just happens. Getting use to him being around might have also taken a long time to get use to since we were living in my parents house until we moved out on our own that following January.
When people asked “so, how does it feel to be married?” I always responded with, “eh, no different.” but again, that’s probably because we didn’t live together at first.
And when we had our own apartment that’s when I realized it was different. It was very different. You would think that after 7 years together and 1 year of marriage I would know a guy right? WRONG. Being with someone and living with someone are two completely different things! He liked to leave dishes in the sink (which I had to constantly remind him to soak in water), he liked to leave messes after he was done cooking, he liked to leave his socks in a nice little pile next to his bed (instead of in his hamper) and it didn’t bother him that his clothes never made it TO his hamper, just next to it (IT’S RIGHT THERE. THROW A LITTLE HARDER NEXT TIME). He liked to leave the A/C on to 40º when he left for work (so when I’d come home it would be FREEZING). And once he left the oven on. HOW?!
So yes, it was different. And irritating. And frustrating. And I pretty much hated it.
But he’d also make me lunch (bagel bites and fish sticks) before work if he was home. He would make me breakfast (scrambled eggs over salad) when I wouldn’t wake up fast enough. He would have dinner ready for me when I got home from work on the days I had to close and be up in 4 hours to open and he would blow dry my hair as quick as he could, tuck me in, kiss me good night and turn off all the lights so I could sleep even if he couldn’t. He would leave me little gifts for me to find when I got home from work sometimes if he was working later than me and he always offered to do my half of the laundry for me if I was stressed out or it seemed like I wouldn’t have enough time.
After 2½ years, I can’t really tell you what marriage is like. It changes frequently. We change frequently. People always say we get along so well, that we must never fight but we do. Just not so often. We pretty much did the most of our fighting while we were dating. But I can tell you marriage is a challenge. But then so is life. I don’t believe that marriage should take work. I think you two should know each other enough at that point to know what does and doesn’t work. I’m not saying the marriage should be easy because what would be the fun in that? It should be challenging. It should be frustrating. But it should be fun.
Certain days I think my marriage sucks. I think marriage in general sucks. But I can’t deny that it is always fun. I have someone who senses my frustration and my anxiety and does his best to make it go away.
He frustrates me to no end but I’ve never been this happy in my life.