It’s funny, ten years ago today was like the day. It was such a big deal! It’s like today had to be perfect (whatever “perfect” meant). But ten years ago a friend of mine put together a party for the “couples”. I had just got back from Arizona and I hadn’t seen my boyfriend at the time in like, weeks. And it was the first time I was going to be somewhere with my boyfriend and my ex (who was his best friend, yeah, I know) at the same time. It wasn’t too awful, just sort of awkward. I don’t really remember much. We gave Kevin a ride home or something and the following year he told me he started crushing on me that day. Which is kind of weird. The following year, 8/23 was probably the worst day ever. My boyfriend that year was just awful.
Today I did laundry, I wrote some reviews, did some work. It’s kind of crazy, the day sort of lost all meaning to me really. I mean it’s one of those dates that just make you pause, but I don’t really do anything special. Maybe I should start again, maybe it should be my day. I could like treat myself somewhere or something. That would be nice right? It’s crazy how when you get older you drop certain things that use to mean a lot to you.
Anyway, I emailed my financial adviser again (I legit copied and pasted my previous email and just resent it — which was sent THREE DAYS AGO) and he still hasn’t responded. I’m THISCLOSE to calling him and cussing him out on his voice mail. You don’t tell me that I have to contact the IRS and blahblahblah then just leave me hanging. What kind of shit is that? My academic adviser is no better. Ugh. I’m so tired of dealing with this. I want my previous advisers back!
I’m reading Beneath The Glitter by Elle & Blair Fowler (yeah you know, the makeup YouTube guru’s) and OMG this book makes me want to rip my eyes out. Completely. It’s so awful. I heard they approached the publisher before even having written the book too. Wtf? I guess celebs can do whatever they want! But OMG, this book is just… wait for the review I guess lol.
I finally got up to my turn for I’ve Got Your Number by Sophie Kinsella from the e-library. It’s mine for 2 weeks, yay! I’ve been looking forward to reading this for awhile! Got some self-published books to read, got some NetGalley titles and got some Amazon Vine titles too. One of which is a sequel to a book I’ve been looking forward to reading. I’m still a little too stressed out to start writing my own book. So that’s going to have to wait. The good news is that I haven’t had a headache yesterday or today. I’m trying to stay calm. This is more difficult than I thought…
I was reading my old blog, you know, doing the whole “what did I do ten years ago today” thing and I came across all of this… other stuff. Aug/Sept 2002 was just a bad time for me. A really really bad time. Like all my other memories, I remember bits and pieces… but a lot of it surprised me. A lot of it made me really sad and other parts made me really angry. I was such an angry kid and reading my old blogs remind me of why and how nothing has really changed. And it just makes me wonder. About life. About everything. And it makes me wish I could channel all those feelings into a novel. Just so I could feel like I’m putting it out there and I could let it go. But it’s so hard when you’re trying to remember and yourself is pushing it away at the same time. Does that make sense?
It’s just… argh. I wish I could talk about it but I don’t really want to open up old wounds.