The beginning of the end…

o309o3 is a date deeply buried in the put of my mind. Where it should stay. But it was the beginning of an end and ten years ago today was the start of a series of life changing moments that would hit me full force and take everything and everyone away from me.

It’s crazy to think that one person would have the ability to flip your life into chaos before your own eyes. It’s crazy to think that it could happen to you. And when you find yourself trapped in that type of relationship — that type of situation — it’s far too late to do anything to fix it. It feels like there are no secret escape routes, there are no exits and there is no one to help you. It feels like the only way out, is to kill yourself. And to find yourself in that type of situation? It’s hard to explain, it’s hard to make others understand and trying to reflect on it, ten years later? Everything is hazy at this point. There are bits and pieces that spark up the most intense emotions for me and there are other things I struggle to remember because I’ve wiped it from my memory.

Ten years ago I was reckless and regardless of what anyone says, I still say I had this coming. I tried getting over someone else by moving on to someone else. To someone I barely knew and rushing things. Maybe that was the biggest mistake of all, the rushing of things.

And while this whole thing changed and destroyed my life and the me I knew, I’m thankful for it. I grew because of it, it guided me to my husband and now, ten years later I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do. I’m happy, I’m accomplished and while I’m not yet fully stable, I know I’m getting there and that’s better than still being destroyed.

So to you, thank you. For ruining me. Thank you for six months of hell. It showed me what love REALLY looks like and it allowed me to rebuild myself into a better stronger version of who Zel was.


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