… to screw yourself over.
It’s been three years since I froze all of my credit cards and went into debt management. The thought of signing up for another credit card didn’t really cross my mind because 1) I didn’t want to risk messing up my debt management program 2) I know I’m out of control and 3) I didn’t have a job in California. It wasn’t until we moved back to Florida that I considered it after finding out the majority of things needed a major credit card that wasn’t attached to a debit account (like renting a car and other major let’s-not-get-stranded things). So a month ago I attempted to sign up for a credit card. Best Buy approved me for a Best Buy card with $1,800 which is pretty good right? So I applied with Chase and got declined — totally fine. Chase is a pretty big deal. American Eagle approved me for a Visa for $3,800 which is flippin amazing.
I tried disputing my Chase application to which Chase said they declined me because 1) I have a similar existing card which has a balance of $68 and I can’t apply for a card that I “already” have 2) I have a card that’s constantly over the limit (this is a whole ‘nother story). Okay, can’t really argue with those facts lol.
But this AE card… I thought I would had some self control but it’s like binging. You go so long without something that you just want EVERYTHING. If that makes sense. I haven’t even had my card a month and I have a pretty heavy balance. I gave myself until my birthday week then that’s it. I’m going to do nothing but work on paying it off. I do need to rebuild my credit anyway.
I’m turning 28 soon and I have no idea what I’m doing. Everyone says that it’s okay. That there’s time. But I have a serious case of White Rabbit syndrome. I’m always racing against time. I always feel like I’m out of time. I don’t know what “relaxing” means when I could be doing something else. So I never relax and when I do sleep in that extra ten or thirty minutes, I kick myself the rest of the day. But what the fuck am I even late for? It’s just frustrating. I should had this shit figured out by now. I should be in my junior year of college. I always tell myself I’ll figure things out. But how can I figure things out when I don’t know what I’m even figuring out?