Hello

Cause it’s not too often I feel content

Contentment.

That’s an emotion I don’t have the pleasure of meeting up with too frequently. Maybe a handful of times my entire life? Happiness? True happiness? I don’t wanna talk about it.

But while it’s the 5th of November and I’m behind on both my read and my word count for NaNoWriMo I’m still… content.

I’m doing well in school. Passed my last class with an A- an A fuckin minus. Can you believe that? I worked hard for that A! I’m so proud of myself! I’m learning French finally and there’s something amazing about learning a new language and recognizing words and being able to instantly translate them in your head.

My NaNo project this year has no plot. It has a theme. A theme that helps me moving forward but no plot. Thinking back, none of my books have plots. I’m a little afraid of plots. They finalize things but books need plots! What’s a story without a plot? But NaNo is practice. Getting to that 50k words in 30 days. Just knowing I can do it would be enough. Even if I go this whole month writing a plot-less novel with 50k words, if I just finished I would be happy. If anything I’d have my words and I’d have a theme.

————

There are people who you meet and majority of these people you don’t think will make a major difference in your life.

12 years ago I met a boy who was different than any other boy I knew at the time. He was interesting, he was funny, he was intriguing, he knew all the right things to say and for some unknown crazy reason he thought I was interesting too. Through the years we’ve gone through a lot together, being support to each other. He also put me through a lot of heartbreak.

I may never know why (beyond that he says he was an asshole) or how he really felt about me back then. If it was anything in comparison to what I felt about him but all these years later, none of that should matter. What matters is that through all the phases in my life he was there. Through all the times growing up, when all I wanted was someone who cared he was there. When all I wanted was someone to make me feel special, he was there. He never failed me.

Growing up is funny, now that we’re older he’s everywhere and anywhere. It’s harder to keep track of him and sometimes he’s gone for months at a time. I know that it’s ridiculous to think that someone will always be there when you need them. That’s unrealistic. It’s unrealistic that someone will drop everything to make you feel special. At 28, you should be old enough to make yourself feel special. And beyond that, it’s not his job anymore.

But I am so thankful for him. For so many reasons. For so many reasons I can’t even put into words. Happy Birthday Bumble Beez, I hope you’re having an amazing day. I heart you, always. You’re the most amazing friend a person could ever ask for. When you’re not being an asshole.

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