Reflecting

In the back of mind…

I’m scrolling through Facebook, looking up old friends who are on my friend’s list but I haven’t talked to in years.

And I can’t help but see the years of their lives I’ve missed. The years where they’ve grown, accomplished things, seen things, experienced things and all I can think about is how close we were when we were kids and wonder what happened. When did we drift away? Was it something that happened? Something that was said? Or was it just distance and time? Was it just because we grew up?

A forever friend stopped by when I came home last year for Christmas and he was the only person I saw while I was home. We’re both on the East Coast now but in different states so we don’t see each other or talk as much as we use to but he is someone incredibly important to me. But seeing him again, I didn’t have much to say like I use to. I don’t know if it was just because life is different now or because our lives are different. I’m not the same drama filled, boy crazy kid I use to be and honestly, my life isn’t interesting enough to keep up conversation with someone but in all honesty, it sort of made me sad.

Am I drifting away from everyone?

There’s nothing more hallow than realizing that people you’ve known since you were a kid are within your reach but you don’t know how to reconnect with these people. It’s a strange feeling to know that your circle of friends isn’t a circle. It’s just you. You alone in a room.

How do you get back to talking to people when it’s not in a professional setting? How do you talk to people casually? What do you say? I don’t drink. I don’t party. I don’t have crazy stories to tell anymore. And I wonder if that’s where I got boring.

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