I’m feeling a little down and I was thinking of making a Facebook status that said Hey guys, feeling down, anyone wanna share something they think is cool about me? But I figured that would be thirsty and I don’t really know how well people actually know me anymore. So I figured, why don’t I write a list of things I love about myself instead.
The last month has sucked for me. Straight up just sucked. And negative emotions have been flying all over the place. I’ve called the Suicide Hotline about 3 times. And not so much because I’m about of jump off my building or anything but because I just wanted someone who doesn’t know me to talk to. Without feeling judged. I’ve also done a lot of self reflecting in the last week or so and I’m working towards being a healthier me but emotionally, spiritually, mentally (hopefully) and physically.
I have a bit of an addiction to sleeping aids and I’ve realized that while I do love that awesome drowsy feeling, every day I wake up I’m pretty much a zombie. Depending on what I take I won’t even remember what I did that next day. Like, at all. While that seems great to someone who can’t stop thinking and feeling, it’s pretty much not considering you’re running away from your problems.
Anyway! On with the list!
- I think I’m pretty funny and quirky
- I love that I’m nerdy and I never get embarrassed about geeking out over something I love
- I love that obsess over things and fall in love with fictional characters easily
- I love that I’m not afraid to be who I am in front of other people anymore
- I love my eyes, I think they’re kinda cool
- I love my long thick hair. Though I’d love it more if it stopped clogging the drain
- I love how aware I am of my mental illness and how I’m not afraid to talk about it
- I love that I’m into a million different things that are totally unrelated
- I love how excited I get when I discover a new dubstep song and I’m waiting for the beat to drop
- I love how looking at pictures of pretty food makes me happy
- I love how much I love Instagram and Pinterest
- I love all the messed up things that have happened in my life because despite that sometimes it catches up and traps me it helps me learn how to be a better me
- I love how I love kickboxing, that’s probably the most unexpected thing to ever happen to me
- I love that I’m a little bit ghetto and I love where I came from
- I love how watching Wishes and The Electric Parade are enough to remind me to follow my dreams
- I love how I follow my dreams, like, sometimes it’s kinda over the top
- I love how I want to do ALL THE THINGS. ALL THE TIME.
- I love how my day is usually focused on what I’m going to eat
- I love that I love being home versus out in a club
- It might not be much to look at when I’m not active but I kinda really love my ass
- I love my hips
Maybe I shoulda narrowed it down so I could continue to do this through a number of days. I need to remind myself that I do love myself and that I am worth someone’s time and attention. I need to make sure that my opinion of myself is the ONLY opinion that should matter and I need to remind myself that I’m enough. Whatever happens in my life or in my marriage does not define WHO I am or WHAT KIND of wife I am. Not everything revolves around me. I didn’t fail as a best friend and I didn’t fail as a wife. Sometimes life just gets in the way but I didn’t fail. And I’m not a failure.
I’m a work in progress, but at least now, I’m actively working on it. I’ll be okay and when I get through this I’ll be a better, happier, healthier me.