Reflecting, Uncategorized

National Suicide Prevention Week

Why is it just a week? Why can’t it be a month?

With the increase of suicides you would think there would be a little bit more talk about suicide prevention or mental health awareness and less about why weed should be illegal. But that’s not how society or the human mind reacts. We follow the media, we follow what our peers say, we follow what we think is “cool” to fit in. To not be the outcast. We strike to be the same instead of being different. Like it’s a bad thing. We adapt other peoples ideas, thoughts and beliefs instead of attempting to find our own.

In the past I have spent a lot of time talking about mental health. Sharing as much of me and my journey as I can. And lately, I’ll admit, I’ve been slacking. My mind has turned into mush and I can’t even stitch together a presentable blog post without scrapping the whole thing and giving up, thus resulting in nothing. So today, screw perfection. Screw presentable, screw everything. I finally feel like writing again so that’s what I’ll do.

I’ve struggled with depression and suicide since I was 13. Anxiety since I was 19. Started therapy at 19. Had a mental break down at 29 and decided to go against my word to myself and take meds. Had a jackass boyfriend at 30 who hated I was on meds and made me quit them resulting in four months of complete torture withdrawal symptoms. Ironically that was just the beginning of series of physical pain I would endure in the next year and a half and that alone should had been a red flag. But that’s another story for another day.

It bothers me that people are so quick to judge those who attempt or commit suicide. Saying they’re selfish. Did they not think of the people who CARE about them that they were LEAVING behind. Did they not think of what would happen AFTER.

No, no they really really probably were not. Because when you’re in that dark ass mind set of doing whatever you can to kill this intense pain surging through your body and fuckin with your head and your emotions all you can think of is MAKE IT FUCKIN STOP. Is it really SELFISH? When you’ve lost all kinds of control and your mind is warping every thought you have? You don’t know what fight they’re fighting in their heads so how could say it’s selfish? How could you say they’re being inconsiderate?

I wish the world would wake the hell up and educate themselves on mental health. On suicide. On depression. On anxiety. ON BEING DECENT FUCKIN PEOPLE. But this is life and this is reality and none of that is going to change any time soon.

Love the people you love hard. Listen when they speak, really listen. You don’t know who’s day you’re making by just doing that.

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