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What do you mean..? When you nod your head yes but you wanna say no..

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Apparently my four year anniversary with this blog was two days ago.

Wow, four years. That’s insane. SO MUCH has changed in those four years. Changed as far as blog posts I post, things I talk about, how often I blog and pretty much everything in my personal life is completely upside down.

Life has a funny way of being funny. Which in reality, life isn’t very funny at all (I’m not laughing). I’ve done a lot of dumb shit in my life and I’ve been through some dumber than dumb shit but this one HAS to take the whole fuckin cake. My ex husband let me know a week ago that he’s dating the girl who ruined our marriage. I knew he was stupid but wow. Ironically this isn’t something surprising as it seems that all my other friends who divorced their high school sweetheart (and there’s a handful of us) is experiencing the same exact thing I am.

Just when you thought you couldn’t feel any MORE betrayed.

It can always be worse.

So yeah, I’m fighting blimps of anxiety here and there. I’ve been so stressed out with all these remaining balances that even though have nothing to do with me I’m still somehow responsible for because my ex husband is a worthless piece of shit that never cared enough to help at all. Most selfish person I know. Maybe not MOST but he’s pretty up there.

In other news I’ve gone back to playing with makeup. The fact that I have a vanity encourages that. I also have a super cute set up. I just need to put things away and figure out where I want things to go. Find a matching dresser, a matching bed frame, and a nightstand and I’ll be all set. I’m hoping to get all this together before Christmas. Just because I don’t dig this in progress shit. I want my place to feel like home… NOW.

Nick and I went ahead and grabbed one of those scent pot things from Yankee Candle. The mess free, fire free wax melter things. We were SO impressed with our starter kit (which is now in my room) that we bought a bigger one for the living room decor that lights up and has a timer. It’s a nice touch and provides a pop to the living room. It’s pretty cozy! I’m heavily debating getting one for the bathroom too just because Sophie (my cat) stinks up the bathroom worse than the humans. That’s pretty bad lol.

 

IMG_8610Urban Decay Shadow Box with Flash & Black out on lids MAC Heroine ELF Ravishing Rose Sephora Raspberry Punch on lips.

Another thing I’m obsessed with is this MAC lipstick that Nick picked out for me. It’s a rich plum purple color in MATTE (two very scary things) called Heroine. I fuckin LOVE it. It really flatters my skin tone. Today I mixed it with an ELF lippie in Ravishing Rose and a Sephora lip gloss in Raspberry Punch that Nick also picked out to layer on top of the Heroine lippie and I like it. It’s very glossy but not sticky at all and it’s actually kinda moisturizing. I’m enjoying playing with makeup and colors again. Waiting for my hair to grow out because I’m not feeling short hair anymore. It’s harder to style and I have baby monkey hair that’s just not cute. Even if I flat iron it.

 

Julep Nail Color in Darby

 

Another thing I’m obsessed with? Julep nail polishes! I know, I know, I’ve been a Maven subscriber for years now and I’m just NOW actually using their polishes?! Why yes, yes that’s true. I started off by using their eyeliner and their lipstick and I fell IN LOVE! So I figured why not try their polishes too? Darby is one of my favorites. It’s a black/dark green base polish with green and gold flecks in it. I’m not going to say it’s glitter because it’s not chunky like glitter is but it does have a nice shimmer! Julep polishes also are easy to remove, don’t stain your nails and they dry fairly quickly. I’ve noticed with the non shimmer shades it takes a few coats for it to turn opaque but I guess that can go for any polish company…  the polishes like Darby however are opaque after one coat. I’m grabbing lots of darker colors and plum colors now since Fall is right around the corner and I’m SO excited!

 

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Reflecting

At Last…

Nine years ago today started off like any other school day and ended like any other typical day — at M’s house watching TV, eating dinner with his family then watching MXC before I had to go home. I remember we had chocolate chip chocolate ice cream after dinner that night and at that point I was starting to wonder if he’d ever ask me out since we had been “talking” for about three months at this point. He was obviously into me since he insisted on calling me babe just a month before and refused to call me anything else, even though we weren’t dating. I remember sitting and watching TV while eating my ice cream and he kept kissing me saying my lips were soft and when we move out, he’s going to buy me a lifetime of ice cream to keep my lips kissably soft. Kinda strange, but I rolled with it.

After awhile he tried to get my attention and all he said was, “how does the fifth sound?” and I said no thinking he said something else and he was like, “… no?” and I was like “wait, what are you asking? I don’t get it” and he’s like “you’re ruining my game” and I was like “uhh yeah, still don’t know what you’re asking me” and he was like, “Fine! Babe, will you go out with me?” lol I’ll always find it funny that he phrased it that way!

We were never the type of people to have long term relationships my longest relationship prior was barely six months and his longest relationship prior was about two weeks, or a month, I don’t remember. Either way, we weren’t long term people.

And yet, here we are, nine years later.

I loved you then, I love you now and I’ll love you always.

Happy 9 years besterest friend. I care about you, foreal foreal