How are we MID WAY through OCTOBER already?! The months and the days are passing WAY TOO FAST in my opinion! Though I suppose this time of year does pass a bit quicker than the rest… but still, I’m not done enjoying Fall and Halloween yet! I guess that’s my fault for wanting to start the Christmas celebrations on November 1st instead of on Thanksgiving like my family usually does…
The months are getting colder, which is exciting!
And the weather has been perfect here in Texas. I’ve missed real Fall’s!
This entry is a few days later than I had planned for it to be up, and even now I haven’t really spent much time thinking about what I’m actually trying to say lol so we’re gonna wing it!
My anxiety has been on and off kicking my ass lately, some days it’s not as bad as others and other days I just don’t want to do anything but curl into a ball. I want to attempt to challenge myself this month. I read that the only way to ease anxiety such as OCD is to practice something I absolutely hate and scares the crap outta me — exposure therapy. Though not at very high extreme’s.
At the moment my apartment is damn near done with everything being unpacked, I just have to wash a few more blankets and find a home for certain things, then my whole living room needs to me mopped so I can stop wearing shoes inside my apartment and walk around in slippers like I’ve always wanted to. I personally hate wearing my shoes in my apartment but I didn’t figure that there was a reason to go through a shit ton of cleaning if moving in, building stuff and all that wasn’t even done yet. But now that all of that is, I don’t have an excuse as to why I haven’t mopped besides that I have 3 boxes left to be sorted though.
So one of my goals this month is to finish unpacking those 3 boxes and mop my floor.
October is very very close from now and I normally make an October/Halloween reading challenge list. I somewhat failed that last year so I’m hoping to do better this year. Along with that I want to be better at bookstagramming and being more active on my bookish social media accounts because I do really miss that world.
I have a few creative goals I’m hoping to start this Fall as well; all in all I have high hopes that my restart will begin. Now.
- Tidy and mop the apartment
- Read 4 books in preparation for October
- Pactice bookstagramming and flat lays
- Research social media tips
- Practice mindfulness
- Organize emails
- Play with makeup more
- Get 2 of Axelyn’s main classes to 50
- Make 1 candle
- Learn to duel (as Bubba’s request)
There are other things like find a job in my field which is going to take some time. But I would like to get a jump start on everything I moved here to do and accomplish.
My anxiety has a tendency to make me not want to move or make me afraid of certain things and I’m tired of being afraid. I try to push myself out of those moments as much as I can but sometimes I just feel like I can’t. When in reality I need to push harder. I need to stop thinking things are so hard cause yeah maybe they are. Maybe they’re beyond my current strength. But how can I get stronger or be better if I don’t try?
I need to learn how to have more faith in myself. To trust myself more. I use to think I was this amazing person who could accomplish everything and then anxiety came around and I lost that mindset. I need to find it, work on it and bring it back. Because if you’re not hyped about your own projects and idea’s how can you expect anyone else to be?
Here’s to a productive month full of adventures, new favorites and starting new goals.
Goodbye August, GOODBYE!
2U by David Guetta (ft. Justin Bieber) has been on repeat like all week. I don’t get how it could be BY someone but obviously The Beibz is the only one speaking on this track lol. That part always confused me! I get that it might be David’s beat but Justin’s on it but still, I’m sure you know what I mean lol.
I don’t remember much of this passed week really except for things that happened recently.
Bubba got me this really cool palette from Hot Topic probably the week before and I was playing with it; the colors are SO pigmented! It was $10 but now it’s dropped down to $6 and I WANT THEM ALL!! I had fun playing with the shimmer shades and seeing how amazing they all looked!
I also gave in and decided to start fall early and that usually means burning a Leaves candle \o/ I forget just how freakin strong the scent can get in a small room so it filled up my whole bathroom and made me feel a little sick lol. Yeah, no more bathroom time for you unless I’m not in it! Gahhh. Still bae though.
I also finally tried a face mask and OH GOD. IT STUNG LIKE CRAZY. It said to leave it on for 8-10 mins, UH NO. I took that shit off in 3! Gahhhh damn. And the liquid/bubbles kept getting into my mouth! Ew! It definitely did NOT taste good!
I upgraded my Weaver gear on FFXIV so I could make Bubba this rice hat for his glamour he’s been wanting, I’m glad he finally has a Monk glam he likes, FFXIV has been catering to Samurai’s since the last expansion StormBlood came out and the story for it sucks and so does the gear.
I got lightweight sick and so I decided to try something new — I ordered Clam Chowder and a Chicken Parm Sandwich from this place called East Hampton Sandwich Co and it was SO GOOD. I loved it all! The Chicken Parm reminded me of something I’d get for lunch everyday when I worked at Disney in 2011, I haven’t had that taste in such a long time! It was definitely comforting.
Bubba slept over and gave me and Sophie cuddles to make me feel better since I had trouble sleeping the night before. Sophie obviously took over my cuddle time since she has a habit of jumping ON Bubba to get his attention. Silly cat! I’m so glad she loves him though.
My books from Book Depo came in the mail, I ordered a twisted retelling of Alice and Peter Pan. The covers are what lured me in and I’m a sucker for retellings! The US covers weren’t as nice so I got the UK covers from Book Depo instead. I also got my book for review from Amazon Vine. I miss getting books for review from publishers though, sigh how the internet and marketing has changed since 2009…
This Coconut Milk Tea with Flan from Fruitalicious has been my OBSESSION lately. Like OMG! I cant get enough and the fact I can UberEATS it? So dangerous but so nice. Except that delivery fee — the drink itself is $4 but the delivery fee is also $4 so I end up paying $9 after taxes for one drink. Bubba’s like “you’re not using this whole boyfriend with a car who wants to get you food when you’re hungry to your advantage and I’m gonna need you to start,” lol he’s silly. I love him. But I don’t know if he’d get me boba if I asked lmao!
I fit the 3 Oz books Bubba got me and am just now realizing they’re out of order. Dammit, REDOING THE PICS. RECLAIMING MY TIME! But now I have to somehow fit the whole Wicked series too my mom’s slowly sending me and I don’t know if it’ll all fit… ah, this is gonna be a challenge!
Friday’s are shopping days it seems like lately; we went to my walking plaza so I could show Bubba Anthropologie, then we walked around the and hit Bath & Body Works where he got me two candles: he replaced my Stress Relief one that I burned up all of before I moved and got me a lemon one that I really like. I’m so glad they kept this scent and I’m hoping they keep it year round. He also got himself Autumn (which was stolen by his mom. Dang he can’t ever keep a candle to himself lol). Then we hit Sephora where we looked for the Naked Heat palette but they were sold out! So he got me the Too Faced Glitter Bomb one I’ve been playing with lately instead. For some reason my VIB accounts aren’t showing up on their system, it’s kinda frustrating but they didn’t have anything worth spending 100 points on either anyway.
My mom sent me a package and she included this photo of me and my cousin Rob when we were 17. I think we were on the Ferry to San Francisco when I took this. Man we look suuuuuper young, those were the days!
I also got my tea’s in from Amazon Prime \o/ they released 3 new tea’s it looks like! I can’t wait to try them! I wish I had remembered to pack my tea kettle from my other place but I totally forgot to and left it behind, whomp whomp. So now I have to find a new tea kettle or microwave water like I use to \o/ or maybe I should get one of those steeper things from Teavana… hm.
So Friday night I was in my bubble bath and it started raining, nothing too different. But I heard a clicking sound coming from my sink. It was a weird sound I hadn’t heard before and my mind was thinking it’s a roach in my sink so I stand up and I THINK I see a roach running around in there or SOMETHING and I FLIP OUT. I get out of the bath, didn’t even dry myself, step outside, shut the door and call Bubba saying he needs to come check my bathroom. So Sophie kept me company while I was freezing my ass off waiting for Bubba to get here lol! He went in and checked everywhere; the sink, the area around the sink, the counter, under the counter, the laundry room, the closet, the bedroom… and nothing. There was nothing. I tried to calm down and go back to my bath but I was so still slightly paranoid I didn’t feel like being there. Though to be fair — I did take two sleeping aids and I was tired and drowsy by the time he showed up. So he thinks my tired mind just hallucinated it. I mean we didn’t find anything so… 😦 though now a few days later I’m still wondering if I saw anything or if I really DID hallucinate it.
Either way I’ve been working on tidying my room and apartment as much as I can and getting rid of as many boxes as I can in the process. And lighting lemon candles. And doing all sorts of anti-roach things. For all I know, my last apartment coulda gave me PTSD with all the bug issues they had there. Ugh.
My apartment is still lacking some storage and stuff but hopefully more of it will be settled soon… sucks but it is what it is, doing what I can to build a new atmosphere and make things as zen as possible. I’m hoping to start filming again, I keep forgetting to vlog when I’m out and taking pics like I normally do but I also need to clear some memory off my phone too!
So this week I’ll be working on tidying/sorting/planning the zen corner, doing something about all these clothes just hanging out on the floor of my closet that need to be picked up cause UGH messes!, sorting my closet out, getting rid of more boxes and trying to post more.
I also remade my food blog HERE if you’re interested and I remade my book blog HERE. I wanted to move away from blogspot for a bit. My lifestyle blog is still there and I hate the way it looks and feels. But I would have to migrate that shit to a wordpress.org and I hear that gets headache inducing though it probably would be better to do it sooner than later since having it be on blogspot makes me almost not want to post and that’s not helpful to anyone tbh. I might migrate/redo my mental health blog which is right HERE for now, I haven’t updated it in some years but I want to start again — maybe. Or maybe I’ll just talk mental health and zen on hazearella, I DONT KNOW. But I do know my food and book blog are starting over. Whew.
It’s been awhile since I’ve done a weekly recap. Mostly because nothing really interesting happened besides a whole lot of bullshit, stress, packing and trying to figure shit out. I was hoping to make a documented vlog and blog series of the moving process and packing process but then I figured I’m setting myself up for people to see how laggy I can be and like I said I was going through a bunch of bullshit and stress that were making me sick and giving me migraines so half the time I wasn’t really in the mood to even talk.
I should stop letting other people and their crap bother or impact me and my energy simply because they’re not worth my time or energy.
You live and learn. And build walls. Lots of walls. And never let anyone in. Ever.
Let’s pretend today’s Sunday, yeah?
This weekend was… kinda awful and anxiety inducing. Actually the whole week kinda was. I’ve had issues with bugs making their way into MY BEDROOM which is not cool; I hate bugs. Like, I hate them, they scare the shit out of me. I had 2 roaches, a random beetle and TWO FUCKIN WASPS make their way into MY BEDROOM. Apparently there was a gap or something in my window frame that was allowing them to come in. Like, what the fuck. Which is weird because I live on the THIRD FLOOR and I’ve been here for ELEVEN MONTHS and I’m just now having this problem?! Like, what changed? Wtf? It’s so weird and crazy! Like, WASPS? REALLY? What are they doing this close to a building? There’s no tree’s in front of my window. There’s nothing, it’s just a freakin parking lot out there so I’m totally confused. Anyway, maintenance came and fixed it but I feel like it’s not totally fixed, but I’m also paranoid, so there’s that.