Hello, Reflecting

Six years on WordPress.com \o/


This popped up on my notifications yesterday and I never really remember when I started this blog so thanks for annually letting me know WordPress.com!

It’s been 6 years since I started this go for anything blog and it’s been a very interesting journey. I can’t say I’ll recap my favorite blog posts because I don’t know if I have any honestly lol! I know I have a few favorite weekly and weekend recaps I use to do back in 2012 when my weekends/weeks heavily were filled with pics of food place I use to go to when I lived in CA the last time but I know they’re also filled with talks of stress, migraines and being sick ALL THE TIME and it’s crazy when you finally NOTICE that the environment and the company you keep can play a huge role in your overall health.

No matter what I did or how I tried to help myself, ultimately the company and the energy you’re around can still mess it all up for you. And that is such a sad and frustrating thing to witness.

I know I talked a lot about how much I hated being married and how shit my marriage was and I still think it was if I’m being honest. I know I started being super active on this blog to combat jealousy and it seems like “combating jealousy” was a very frequent theme in my marriage and the relationship I had after my marriage. And both situations were just sad.

Things that I hope to incorporate on this blog in the future is more positive posts. More posts about what I’m DOING in life. I don’t take AS MUCH pictures as I use to about MY LIFE these days, I mostly take a lot of screenshots. I don’t go on adventures as much and I really hope to change that in the future especially because I’m in a brand new state and there’s so much to be discovered here! I hope to include more posts about how to battle anxiety naturally (and hopefully will stumble on a way to battle migraines naturally if there is a way!) and how to be a better version of yourself.

I know most of this stuff should go on my lifestyle blog and channel [which is HERE in case you’re curious] but I feel like I put too much pressure on myself there to really start writing so maybe if I just start here, some of the posts here will make it there as well. I mean, it’s not a bad idea.

So here’s to another year or two or six.

Thanks WordPress, for being there.


Weekly Recap; Aug 6th – Aug 12th

I don’t remember much of this passed week really except for things that happened recently.

Bubba got me this really cool palette from Hot Topic probably the week before and I was playing with it; the colors are SO pigmented! It was $10 but now it’s dropped down to $6 and I WANT THEM ALL!! I had fun playing with the shimmer shades and seeing how amazing they all looked!

I also gave in and decided to start fall early and that usually means burning a Leaves candle \o/ I forget just how freakin strong the scent can get in a small room so it filled up my whole bathroom and made me feel a little sick lol. Yeah, no more bathroom time for you unless I’m not in it! Gahhh. Still bae though.

I also finally tried a face mask and OH GOD. IT STUNG LIKE CRAZY. It said to leave it on for 8-10 mins, UH NO. I took that shit off in 3! Gahhhh damn. And the liquid/bubbles kept getting into my mouth! Ew! It definitely did NOT taste good!

I upgraded my Weaver gear on FFXIV so I could make Bubba this rice hat for his glamour he’s been wanting, I’m glad he finally has a Monk glam he likes, FFXIV has been catering to Samurai’s since the last expansion StormBlood came out and the story for it sucks and so does the gear.

I got lightweight sick and so I decided to try something new — I ordered Clam Chowder and a Chicken Parm Sandwich from this place called East Hampton Sandwich Co and it was SO GOOD. I loved it all! The Chicken Parm reminded me of something I’d get for lunch everyday when I worked at Disney in 2011, I haven’t had that taste in such a long time! It was definitely comforting.

Bubba slept over and gave me and Sophie cuddles to make me feel better since I had trouble sleeping the night before. Sophie obviously took over my cuddle time since she has a habit of jumping ON Bubba to get his attention. Silly cat! I’m so glad she loves him though.

My books from Book Depo came in the mail, I ordered a twisted retelling of Alice and Peter Pan. The covers are what lured me in and I’m a sucker for retellings! The US covers weren’t as nice so I got the UK covers from Book Depo instead. I also got my book for review from Amazon Vine. I miss getting books for review from publishers though, sigh how the internet and marketing has changed since 2009…

This Coconut Milk Tea with Flan from Fruitalicious has been my OBSESSION lately. Like OMG! I cant get enough and the fact I can UberEATS it? So dangerous but so nice. Except that delivery fee — the drink itself is $4 but the delivery fee is also $4 so I end up paying $9 after taxes for one drink. Bubba’s like “you’re not using this whole boyfriend with a car who wants to get you food when you’re hungry to your advantage and I’m gonna need you to start,” lol he’s silly. I love him. But I don’t know if he’d get me boba if I asked lmao!

I fit the 3 Oz books Bubba got me and am just now realizing they’re out of order. Dammit, REDOING THE PICS. RECLAIMING MY TIME! But now I have to somehow fit the whole Wicked series too my mom’s slowly sending me and I don’t know if it’ll all fit… ah, this is gonna be a challenge!

Friday’s are shopping days it seems like lately; we went to my walking plaza so I could show Bubba Anthropologie, then we walked around the and hit Bath & Body Works where he got me two candles: he replaced my Stress Relief one that I burned up all of before I moved and got me a lemon one that I really like. I’m so glad they kept this scent and I’m hoping they keep it year round. He also got himself Autumn (which was stolen by his mom. Dang he can’t ever keep a candle to himself lol). Then we hit Sephora where we looked for the Naked Heat palette but they were sold out! So he got me the Too Faced Glitter Bomb one I’ve been playing with lately instead. For some reason my VIB accounts aren’t showing up on their system, it’s kinda frustrating but they didn’t have anything worth spending 100 points on either anyway.

My mom sent me a package and she included this photo of me and my cousin Rob when we were 17. I think we were on the Ferry to San Francisco when I took this. Man we look suuuuuper young, those were the days!

I also got my tea’s in from Amazon Prime \o/ they released 3 new tea’s it looks like! I can’t wait to try them! I wish I had remembered to pack my tea kettle from my other place but I totally forgot to and left it behind, whomp whomp. So now I have to find a new tea kettle or microwave water like I use to \o/ or maybe I should get one of those steeper things from Teavana… hm.

So Friday night I was in my bubble bath and it started raining, nothing too different. But I heard a clicking sound coming from my sink. It was a weird sound I hadn’t heard before and my mind was thinking it’s a roach in my sink so I stand up and I THINK I see a roach running around in there or SOMETHING and I FLIP OUT. I get out of the bath, didn’t even dry myself, step outside, shut the door and call Bubba saying he needs to come check my bathroom. So Sophie kept me company while I was freezing my ass off waiting for Bubba to get here lol! He went in and checked everywhere; the sink, the area around the sink, the counter, under the counter, the laundry room, the closet, the bedroom… and nothing. There was nothing. I tried to calm down and go back to my bath but I was so still slightly paranoid I didn’t feel like being there. Though to be fair — I did take two sleeping aids and I was tired and drowsy by the time he showed up. So he thinks my tired mind just hallucinated it. I mean we didn’t find anything so… 😦 though now a few days later I’m still wondering if I saw anything or if I really DID hallucinate it.

Either way I’ve been working on tidying my room and apartment as much as I can and getting rid of as many boxes as I can in the process. And lighting lemon candles. And doing all sorts of anti-roach things. For all I know, my last apartment coulda gave me PTSD with all the bug issues they had there. Ugh.

My apartment is still lacking some storage and stuff but hopefully more of it will be settled soon… sucks but it is what it is, doing what I can to build a new atmosphere and make things as zen as possible. I’m hoping to start filming again, I keep forgetting to vlog when I’m out and taking pics like I normally do but I also need to clear some memory off my phone too!

So this week I’ll be working on tidying/sorting/planning the zen corner, doing something about all these clothes just hanging out on the floor of my closet that need to be picked up cause UGH messes!, sorting my closet out, getting rid of more boxes and trying to post more.

I also remade my food blog HERE if you’re interested and I remade my book blog HERE. I wanted to move away from blogspot for a bit. My lifestyle blog is still there and I hate the way it looks and feels. But I would have to migrate that shit to a wordpress.org and I hear that gets headache inducing though it probably would be better to do it sooner than later since having it be on blogspot makes me almost not want to post and that’s not helpful to anyone tbh. I might migrate/redo my mental health blog which is right HERE for now, I haven’t updated it in some years but I want to start again — maybe. Or maybe I’ll just talk mental health and zen on hazearella, I DONT KNOW. But I do know my food and book blog are starting over. Whew.


Hello Spring!

[credit: google images]

It’s the first day of Spring!

I wish I could be super excited and all happy and cheerful but my roommates boyfriend is here, again.

Anyway, Spring is one of my favorite seasons even if the allergens hit you like a ton of freakin bricks all the time. And even if my eyes get all weirdly puffy here in Florida. But the sun is usually out and the rain doesn’t come for another few months. The weather starts to warm up and who can resist pretty pastel’s everywhere and Easter decor and prepping around the corner?

I always tell myself “when I move next time I’ll deck out my place and I’ll do this and that” and it never happens.

So I’m debating if I should say it this time too or not.

But still here’s to hoping that next Spring I’ll deck my place out and decorate a bit better for Spring; especially since I’ll be living alone with just me and Sophie bear.



What do you mean..? When you nod your head yes but you wanna say no..


Apparently my four year anniversary with this blog was two days ago.

Wow, four years. That’s insane. SO MUCH has changed in those four years. Changed as far as blog posts I post, things I talk about, how often I blog and pretty much everything in my personal life is completely upside down.

Life has a funny way of being funny. Which in reality, life isn’t very funny at all (I’m not laughing). I’ve done a lot of dumb shit in my life and I’ve been through some dumber than dumb shit but this one HAS to take the whole fuckin cake. My ex husband let me know a week ago that he’s dating the girl who ruined our marriage. I knew he was stupid but wow. Ironically this isn’t something surprising as it seems that all my other friends who divorced their high school sweetheart (and there’s a handful of us) is experiencing the same exact thing I am.

Just when you thought you couldn’t feel any MORE betrayed.

It can always be worse.

So yeah, I’m fighting blimps of anxiety here and there. I’ve been so stressed out with all these remaining balances that even though have nothing to do with me I’m still somehow responsible for because my ex husband is a worthless piece of shit that never cared enough to help at all. Most selfish person I know. Maybe not MOST but he’s pretty up there.

In other news I’ve gone back to playing with makeup. The fact that I have a vanity encourages that. I also have a super cute set up. I just need to put things away and figure out where I want things to go. Find a matching dresser, a matching bed frame, and a nightstand and I’ll be all set. I’m hoping to get all this together before Christmas. Just because I don’t dig this in progress shit. I want my place to feel like home… NOW.

Nick and I went ahead and grabbed one of those scent pot things from Yankee Candle. The mess free, fire free wax melter things. We were SO impressed with our starter kit (which is now in my room) that we bought a bigger one for the living room decor that lights up and has a timer. It’s a nice touch and provides a pop to the living room. It’s pretty cozy! I’m heavily debating getting one for the bathroom too just because Sophie (my cat) stinks up the bathroom worse than the humans. That’s pretty bad lol.


IMG_8610Urban Decay Shadow Box with Flash & Black out on lids MAC Heroine ELF Ravishing Rose Sephora Raspberry Punch on lips.

Another thing I’m obsessed with is this MAC lipstick that Nick picked out for me. It’s a rich plum purple color in MATTE (two very scary things) called Heroine. I fuckin LOVE it. It really flatters my skin tone. Today I mixed it with an ELF lippie in Ravishing Rose and a Sephora lip gloss in Raspberry Punch that Nick also picked out to layer on top of the Heroine lippie and I like it. It’s very glossy but not sticky at all and it’s actually kinda moisturizing. I’m enjoying playing with makeup and colors again. Waiting for my hair to grow out because I’m not feeling short hair anymore. It’s harder to style and I have baby monkey hair that’s just not cute. Even if I flat iron it.


Julep Nail Color in Darby


Another thing I’m obsessed with? Julep nail polishes! I know, I know, I’ve been a Maven subscriber for years now and I’m just NOW actually using their polishes?! Why yes, yes that’s true. I started off by using their eyeliner and their lipstick and I fell IN LOVE! So I figured why not try their polishes too? Darby is one of my favorites. It’s a black/dark green base polish with green and gold flecks in it. I’m not going to say it’s glitter because it’s not chunky like glitter is but it does have a nice shimmer! Julep polishes also are easy to remove, don’t stain your nails and they dry fairly quickly. I’ve noticed with the non shimmer shades it takes a few coats for it to turn opaque but I guess that can go for any polish company…  the polishes like Darby however are opaque after one coat. I’m grabbing lots of darker colors and plum colors now since Fall is right around the corner and I’m SO excited!



I’m a blogger with no creativity

Guys, I’m gonna be real with you. Nitch blogging is no joke. It’s hard ass work. Sure at first when you’re all inspired and excited and see all the great things you’ll talk about out there it seems as easy as frosting an out of the box cupcake but then you hit the point where you’re just stumped. All the time.

I started blogging in 1999 when my mom finally agreed to let me sign up for AOL. Oh those dial-tones, they were a sound from the heavens! Honestly I started blogging because my mom didn’t know how to use the internet and she wouldn’t quit reading my handwritten journals. I was in high school by then — a freshmen, I had a lot of very private thoughts mom. Geez.

But back then it wasn’t called “blogging”. It was just called, you know, “writing in my online journal”. I started with OpenDiary (which is still up and wanna know a really really embarrassing secret? Only because if there’s anything I love more than food it’s sharing my embarrassing secrets. I blogged about the first time I did it. And I still go back to that very public entry and read it over and over and wow. Just wow.) along with TeenOpenDiary then moved on to DeadJournal, LiveJournal (back when you needed an invite code), Xanga, and various other places that didn’t make it. I miss CrazyLife and GreatestJournal the most.

Pretty much my whole fucked up teen-hood is publicly displayed online on one or two blogs. I regret nothing.

It wasn’t until 2009 I started nitch blogging mainly because by then no one cared about reading other peoples feelings. Even “lifestyle” blogs now that talk about their day/week is still considered a nitch blog. And I really got into makeup — finally. A little TOO into makeup actually. But I loved beauty blogging. I loved keeping up with the trends, playing with makeup and finding the products that worked well for me. It was a lot of fun but it was expensive and it got boring after awhile. So in 2010 I started a book blog and I’ve stuck with that ever since. Reading has always been a passion of mine growing up. I’ve always wanted to be an author and I can’t tell you why I’m not yet.

And now I have a ton of nitch blogs which is what I’m taking a break from right now because I’m stumped. The thing about nitch blogging is yeah, you can find a lot of things to write/review but to set your blog aside from everyone else in your category? Well that’s hard. Finding a way to build a foundation of loyal viewers (this goes for both blogging and YouTube) is a challenge and it takes a lot of hard work. Creating and keeping up with weekly features even though you have nothing to write for it? Hard. I’m not new to this, I’ve done this many many times but even now, I don’t know how to network my new blogs. I don’t know how to even start. I’m kinda just… lost.

The most I can do is put out good content at a steady pace and hope that someone thinks I’m witty enough to want to stick around.

The great thing about writing and blogging is that you’re always learning. There’s always something new to learn. Some new technique to try. And while this can be a frustrating and sometimes disgusting journey, I think that’s the best part — constantly learning.


NaBloPoMo 2012 | Day 2

So I thought of combining Day 1 & Day 2 since I didn’t write the response to yesterday’s question so yeah, let’s do that.

Day 1 — Tell us your favorite quotation and why

 “To live is to suffer. To survive is to find the meaning in the suffering.”

My favorite quote comes from the intro to the song “Slippin” by DMX. Life growing up was rough for me. I dealt with depression, low self esteem and crazy intense suicidal thoughts from the time I was 13 until I was about 21. I had my reasons and they were awful ones. Most of things I’ve forced myself to forget at this point. But that quote just stuck with me when things went from bad to worse and I knew in order to survive, I had to find the meaning in the suffering. Maybe I have, maybe I haven’t. Maybe it depends on the situation but it was just something to keep me going. And even now that I’m “better” (in some aspects and worse in others) I still keep this quote with me.

Day 2 — If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

Wow, if I could live anywhere? There are several places I would chose. New York would be cool. Broadway, good food, city lights, Manhattan, Times Square, snow! And of course the big six publishing houses! I mean what isn’t there to love about NY? Or Los Angeles with its beaches and shopping area’s. Or Paris! I would love to live in Paris, I’m convinced there’s magic in the air there. Or even London. That would be awesome.

But if I had to pick just one place? It would definitely be Paris! Macrons and cute French pastries, the culinary adventure, exploring the city, exploring the countryside, the fashion, the cobblestone walkways, the rich history, oh and being surrounded by the hypnotizing language of French! Seriously, what could be better?!

It’s funny because I asked M if I had one place I could live where would I want to live and he instantly said “Paris!” and I was like “how did you know?” and he was like “you’re my wife, duh” lol! At least if I drag him to Paris it would be no surprise! Even though I mentioned I want our “real” wedding there!


Hello November!

I hope everyone had a fantastic and safe Halloween yesterday!

I spent the day at home… doing homework. Same thing I’ve been doing the last two Halloween’s. We did however get a bit of trick-or-treaters this year. So yay for not having a ton of leftover candy! We were the only house on our block that had lights on though, which is strange. Since I’ve gotten older, there hasn’t been many kids in our area anymore. Always kind of sad, Halloween use to be a busy holiday around here! And now I’m here doing homework, still while waiting for my other team members to get online so we can discuss our upcoming team assignment which is due in a few days. But no one’s showing up and they’re 14mins late. Ugh.

Totally off subject but I’ve been craving Rocky Road ice cream from Baskin Robbins for what feels like forever!

November can be a busy month. In addition to prepping for the holidays it’s also NaNoWriMo (National Writing Month — or something) where you write 1,700 words everyday to write a rough draft of a manuscript. You know, if writing a novel is your kind of thing… and it’s also NaBloPoMo (National Blogging Month — or something lol). So in addition to finishing up this last (hopefully) class, I’m doing NaNoWriMo (3rd year!) and I think I’ll be doing NaBloPoMo too. Mainly because I’m disappointed with the lack of posts I had up on here for October and I feel like I don’t write enough.

So yes, there’s my November. Let’s hope it’s a smooth one!

Are any of you participating in NaNoWriMo or NaBloPoMo?