Hello

Weekly Recap; for pretty much June

Uhm, hai.

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a weekly recap. Mostly because nothing really interesting happened besides a whole lot of bullshit, stress, packing and trying to figure shit out. I was hoping to make a documented vlog and blog series of the moving process and packing process but then I figured I’m setting myself up for people to see how laggy I can be and like I said I was going through a bunch of bullshit and stress that were making me sick and giving me migraines so half the time I wasn’t really in the mood to even talk.

Which sucks.

I should stop letting other people and their crap bother or impact me and my energy simply because they’re not worth my time or energy.

You live and learn. And build walls. Lots of walls. And never let anyone in. Ever.

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; for pretty much June”

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Reflecting

See you in Neverland…

Hook 10

Those of us who grew up in the 90’s grew up with movies like Mrs. Doubtfire, Jumanji, Aladdin and my favorite… Hook.

Robin Williams is one of my husband’s favorite actors. Someone he admires and I frequently catch him watching Patch Adams which is only the most depressing movie in the history of depressing movies.

When the news broke yesterday afternoon, I don’t think anyone could believe it. Robin Williams? One of the most admired actors in this lifetime? The man who provided so many with laughter and good feelings? Committed suicide? How is that possible.

The saddest people hide behind public happiness and humor.

That’s how.

And if you don’t personally know anyone like this, consider yourself lucky. Because it’s something very tragic and something that even their loved ones can’t reach them through.

Suicide and mental illness has been on my mind since I started my journey about a month ago; but depression and suicide has been heavy on my mind as of late.

My situations tend to make my emotions run a little bit and I’m still trying to get the hang of things but I’m a lot more calm than I was before I started the journey. Still, when things get rough I turn to A and last night she texted me this:

Hazel I love you so much. I would still jump in a car at any point if it meant saving your life. I’m so happy to have you in my life girlfriend!

 

And I literally just bawled out of control. Sometimes depression does a good job of masking things and clouding your logic train of thought. All you can think about is right now, how much you’re hurting, how it seems so hopeless and it will never stop and how you just want it to end. That’s the main thing on your mind is the pain and wanting it to end.

Who knows what Robin Williams was suffering from. But I hope that wherever he is he’s not hurting anymore and he’s happy. He’s as happy as he made the rest of the world with his talent and his jokes.

Rest in Peace Robin, you’ll always be my favorite Peter Pan ♥.