Hello, Recap

Life’s been eventful — I got engaged!

I know I’ve been slacking on posting here; I’ve been trying to post more on my other blogs but have epically failed Blogtober there as well. Eep.

We went to our second Texas State Fair together and thankfully it was a pretty day unlike last year where it rained that morning!

I thought being pregnant would give me some food room since you know, baby and all… but it didn’t lol I got full pretty fast. Well faster than I would had liked! We tried some really good stuff!

Some of my favs were the Deep Fried Shepard’s Pie and the Cotton Candy Taco. After the fair we went to the mall to go look for some stuff, I don’t remember now what but I ended up getting some of the MAC holiday collection and the Too Faced lippie Holiday set I was looking for!

44686452_2242923675951203_4563597339788312576_n

We had agreed not to get anything from the MAC Holiday cause nothing really impressed me but I saw swatches of the single shadows and I hated that I missed out of last years. This years didn’t sell out AS FAST as last years so I decided to grab them anyway. Bubba added the brush set which I like. If these were full sized brushes they’d be really pretty!

Continue reading “Life’s been eventful — I got engaged!”

Advertisements
Reflecting

July so-far-recap

I noticed I missed a few weeks of recap posts, whoops!

Between finishing up packing, dealing with my shit ass apartment manager, moving, unpacking and settling in… I guess I just, dunno. Haven’t been keeping up. It’s sort of hard to believe I’ve been in my new apartment for over a week now! I absolutely love it here! So much more than my previous place. I literally feel like I’m living in some super fancy hotel resort. I mean come on, there’s a lazy river at my pool WHICH I CAN SEE FROM MY BEDROOM AND BALCONY by the way!

I can’t tell if this apartment is smaller, bigger or just about the same size as my previous place. I feel like the bedroom MIGHT be smaller but it’s still a big amount of space. I love how spacious the kitchen is and how much pantry space I have. I also love how big the bathroom is. I just don’t like that my washer and dryer is IN my closet as it takes up SOME space but… I’ll figure out how to work around it. But the tub and the shower? Oh goodness, I love it all.

Continue reading “July so-far-recap”

Recap, Reflecting

Weekly Recap; June 10th – June 16th

Today’s Father’s Day but I haven’t been home in 7 years, so.

About 2 ½ weeks left until I move… I should probably start packing eh?

Two years ago on Father’s Day I was forced to get an abortion; I wrote about it on a blog I started for mental health and gaming. It was such a traumatic situation and experience. It amazes me how cruel some people can be. And how they have the audacity to not just be cruel but to also spread lies about you. If there’s anything I learned from my failed marriage though it’s that people will make up facades and worlds they believe in their heads to help them cope with who they REALLY are and hide the things about them they hate.

It doesn’t excuse them but sometimes being angry about something/someone is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. So instead I look at it for what it really is, accept that people are shit and unfair and I go back to working on being the best version of myself I can be and distance myself from anything negative that doesn’t serve me.

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; June 10th – June 16th”

Reflecting

On relationships… and learning

Growing up I was in a shit ton of relationships in high school.

In so many in fact that I wasn’t really heartbroken if someone broke up with me because it was on to the next and I think as a kid you’re able to have that sort of mind set when really you should be focusing on graduating high school.

By the time I hit 18 and met my future husband I thought I knew a pretty good amount of shit by then. But as we all know, “love” can make you blind to things. And even when your vision starts to clear up, you’re so damn deep in it you can’t do shit now.

Through out that marriage I learned even more; that people can change even after 12 years of “knowing” them. That people are selfish. That people are cruel. That when someone SHOWS YOU they don’t give a flying fuck about you… BELIEVE THEM THE FIRST TIME. I learned about my worth. About the easy miscommunication between males and females. About picking my battles. About how toxic being jealous can be… to yourself (especially when the other person could honestly give less than a fuck about how you feel). About how to manage and maintain a household… by myself… completely. How to sort and file taxes. How to manage health insurance. How to be 100% responsible for 2 people as if one were your fuckin incompetent child. I learned about mental health and the extremes of my mental illness. I learned how to stop being afraid of being home alone and especially at night. I learned how to meditate.

So you’d think after all of that bullshit for 12 years I’d have even more experience when it came to relationships right?

Wrong.

So very fuckin wrong.

I learned what it was like to be in an abusive relationship. Three times in a row. I learned what it was like when you’re with the wrong person. I learned the dark side of relationships and companionship.

And I’m now realizing that what I learned back then, shouldn’t had happened. Shouldn’t make sense because it doesn’t.

And it’s mind boggling to realize that my entire early adulthood and my first marriage was based and built on a lie and on false grounds. As if it shouldn’t had even existed.

It wasn’t until I jumped into this relationship with Bubba nearly 2 years ago (today next month actually is our 2 year anniversary \o/) that I realized  I don’t know what being in a REAL relationship was like! I’ve always dreamt of the relationships you see on TV or in movies where they guy totally respects his girl and how he WANTS to do nice things for her, how he WANTS to make her life easier and always wondered if guys like that were even REAL. I always dreamt of someone saying “hey get dressed, I’m taking you on a date” or someone who actually celebrates holidays and anniversaries. And I remember being married and thinking I’ll never be taken out on a date. I’ll never get flowers. I’ll never have a REAL anniversary celebration and just forcing myself to deal with it.

There are some things I don’t like about Bubba. I don’t like that he’ll be quick to tell me about myself lol but I’m an Aries, we don’t like it in general. I don’t like that he won’t fight for our relationship. Meaning, if I decide to leave he’ll let me go; I’m not gonna lie… sometimes I get emotionally impulsive and sometimes I’ll break up with someone to see if they still care. Though to be fair, I haven’t pulled that shit on him in the last 2 years (and sometimes I’m still learning who I am).

But in the last 2 years, he’s taught me so much more than I ever thought I could learn, I suppose. He’s exposed me to what a relationship should be like and despite almost it being 2 years it still blows my mind. His kindness. His thoughtfulness. His compassion. His patience. All of it. It still sometimes takes me by surprise how kind he is to me. The things he does for me without skipping a beat. How much he cares that I’m comfortable and calm and how hard he works to make sure I am. He’s re-taught me it’s okay to communicate… that you SHOULD communicate. That my burdens don’t have to be mine to carry alone. That compromise can work and can be achieved. That you’ll meet someone who WANTS to take care of you AS MUCH as they’re capable of.

He’s shown me what it REALLY is like to have your significant other be your best friend. What it’s like to have an s/o who respects you and who will WANT to defend you against anyone who has something bad to say about you. No matter how small. That despite what others have said about me, I am worthy of being loved.

He’s taught me so much about what it’s like to be in a healthy and happy relationship. That you’re not suppose to have really good days and really awful days. That fights happen but you shouldn’t go to bed still holding on to the hurt.

And it’s crazy to think this guy who’s a good amount of younger than me and has never really had a long term relationship is capable of teaching me things I thought I had already known. Is capable of showing me something new ALL THE TIME. Is capable of showing not just respect to me but to my family as well. He’s given me everything I never thought I would have or have the chance to experience.

He fills every hollow void in my soul and I’m just having one of those moments when you sit back and thing damn.

Recap

Weekly Recap; April 23rd – April 29th

I didn’t post this yesterday becauseeeeeeee Bubba’s sister gave him money to take me out for a late birthday gift so we went on an adventure. I usually keep Sunday out since I post ON Sunday but I’ll include it in this week’s post!

Also it looks like I already recapped the 22nd in the last weekly recap blog post so we’re gonna start with Monday the 23rd.

I can’t stop taking pictures of my bookshelf! There was a small tour video before this but I can’t post videos on my blog posts at the moment. But this was posted on my instastories on readarella!

Bubba spent the week here so I felt safe enough to take bubble baths. I used this lavender bubble bar from LUSH; the purple bits turns your bath purple but it’s packed pretty tight so it’s a bitch to try and break off with your hands. I now see why people on Instagram make LUSH cocktails. It’s so much easier! But breaking it by hand is also fun.

IMG_1876

Finally snapped a photo of the new MAC stuff Bubba got me last weekend! I love the packaging for this collection but only on the lip products. The panda head is a little heavy so I wouldn’t bring it around in my purse but it’s definitely cute to have on my vanity!

I wore the lip color yesterday (photos will be at the end of this post) but I didn’t make it super dark. It was pretty when you put it on lightly — like my lips but better. Even though Bubba said it didn’t match anything I was wearing (yet he said I shoulda got the dark blue one to match my outfit but I don’t feel like I can pull off boldddddddd colors like that lol). The gloss to the right is just a clear with glitter topcoat but oh gosh it’s so sparkly and pretty! And of course I LOVE the smell of fresh MAC lippies! Mm, vanilla cake.

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; April 23rd – April 29th”

Recap

Weekly Recap; April 8th – 14th

I’m sad my birthday month is half way over!

Though it seems Spring is playing hide-and-go-seek here in Texas. One day it’s 90° and the next you’re waking up to 40°. The weather here is so freakin crazy! But at least today there’s sunshine!

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; April 8th – 14th”

Hello, Reflecting

Hello Spring \o/

Shut ya mouth, it’s Spring.

There was a Silverfish spotted on my wall — IT’S SPRING.

I’ve been sneezing my ass off for weeks — IT’S SPRING.

Bitch it ain’t 11° every night here in Texas — IT’S SPRING.

IMG_8595

Also Valentine’s Day is rolling up way too fast! I have SOME blog posts in the works and SOME I’ve thought of writing but I definitely don’t have 14 of them hoes and I need to. Wtf was I doing all end of January. Oh. Stressing, that’s what. Pffft.

Continue reading “Hello Spring \o/”