Recap

Weekly Recap; Oct 29th – Nov 4th

I can’t believe October is over! How freakin fast did that go?! I feel like as soon as October is over so is Fall and we need to hurry on up and move into Winter when technically November is still Fall (I tend to forget about Thanksgiving, whoops. I guess that happens when you’re away from family for 5 years).

I’m feeling better now, by the way. Thankfully. It’s been almost a week. I was so happy to finally be able to sniff candles yesterday without feeling sick and I started craving things again!

It’s the little things in life guys.

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; Oct 29th – Nov 4th”

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Hello, Reflecting

Weekly Recap | Jan 8-14 2017

When you realize your week was much more full of product shots than what your week was actually… about.

 

I started transitioning from Winter to Spring; I don’t know why Kurmoi felt the need to push Kerropi over but she’s rude af. I’m loving the Bath & Body Works Lemon Zest energy aromatherapy candle. Wish I had grabbed more than 2 but I’m sure it’ll come back for the next semi annual sale (and I’ll be there to grab it again)!

I also started reading (and finished) The Cozy Life. I’m trying to include more Hygge into my lifestyle.

 

I filmed an unboxing video and actually posted it. I unboxed my Sanrio Small Crate that Bubba got me for Christmas, you can see the video here.

I used my new IT Cosmetics CC cream and I love it! It feels so good on the skin! I also used my Too Faced Peach Palette for the first time and I totally dig it. I wish I was more creative with my looks but it’s a work in progress.

I headed to Target to see if they had any more Valentines Day stuff — which they did — but I didn’t really end up picking anything up. I did get a drink from Starbucks which OMG I miss those on a daily basis (no pic cause I drank it too fast). I did spot some new candles from Target and I picked up one of the Pineapple Cake ones which smelled amazing on cold sniff but it doesn’t have a good scent throw sadly… and wasn’t really worth the $10 if you ask me. Also headed to VS to pick up more panties cause I’m in love with the way the PINK panties feel! Also grabbed some more stuff from their semi annual sale too like the hand cream and lip products. The rest of the stuff was my first round there earlier this month.

Continue reading “Weekly Recap | Jan 8-14 2017”

Hello

You are now on the other side of sanity…

I came across this blog under my “On This Day” app for my old FB page this morning. I remember those days and it’s so strange to think that they were five years ago. And that my life is nothing like that now.

This year the holidays/December isn’t as festive as I had wanted/hoped they would be. I guess it’s still better than last year when I had pretty much nothing though, right? Still I had hoped to go to Disney yesterday which didn’t happen and it looks highly unlikely that I’ll be going at all in December. I’ve only been to Magic Kingdom ONCE since I moved to this shit ass boring city and I haven’t been to any of the other parks since before I moved. And I moved here in July. So…

I honestly sometimes feel like I went from a fucked up marriage to a struggling relationship and that’s not what I wanted. I’m so burned out by other peoples problems. I’m suppose to be focusing on me. I’m suppose to be doing things that make ME happy. I’m suppose to be selfish for once. To live my life the way I want to. And I’m back to feeling like I can’t do that — still.

Oh well, I guess there’s always next year.

I guess.

Hello, Reflecting

Hey wassup, hello!

… yeah, that really just happened.

I blame Nick for being so obsessed with Fetty Wapp. Not that he’s a bad dude (Nick OR Fetty) or that his music sucks (cause it really doesn’t) but… well okay the whole blame can’t go to Nick. Some of it goes to a meme I keep seeing around Instagram. It’s pretty great. I’d include it in the post but you can’t right click and save Instagram images. But it basically says something along the lines of…

Be your own trap queen, cook your own pies, hey wassup hello to your damn self.

It makes me giggle every time I see it.

Anyway

I know I’ve been gone a long long long time. I just… haven’t felt up to writing lately. And that’s okay. I’m not going to beat myself up for it like I was at some point.

This year has been challenging and weird and tiring and just down right… I’m so ready for it to just be over. Not that anything is really going to restart once the new year comes along but I can pretend and sometimes, that’s all you need to stay sane.

I’ve been a bitter mess lately. For a number of reasons (the third year in a row I don’t get to see my family for the holidays, the first holiday season being a divorcee, living in a city I know nothing about, my ex husband is a complete dipshit that I wish would find his way to the bottom of a lake, did I mention not being able to see my family… for a third YEAR in a ROW?) and one night I burst into tears in the middle of telling Nick something I found on Instagram and slipped into a really weird panic attack.

Nick, being the overly amazing supportive boyfriend he is dropped his game controller, rushed over to me, took me in his arms even though I had just showered and was in my pj’s and my anxiety woulda killed me at that point, wiped away my tears forcing me to look at him and he was like, “hey, you’re with ME now. we’ll go, and you’ll be totally fine, and we’ll make our own memories. okay?”

I can’t put into words how amazing it is when the person you’re with knows how much something means to you. How much it hurts you at the same time and how badly they want you to have amazing memories instead. He tries SO hard.

Since then I see all these other people in worries within their own relationships and I wonder why they stick around to be treated like that. Don’t they know that someone amazing is out there waiting for someone exactly like them? And so many of these things I look and think with complete confidence Nick would NEVER do that to me. And I realize how lucky I am. When I look back at the beginning of our relationship, it blows me away just how lucky I got.

It was Nick who drove me to the courthouse to get the right paper work to file for divorce in April even though my ex husband grabbed the papers that previous of November but grabbed the completely wrong papers not to mention my ex husband had refused to sign and file his half. It was Nick who took me apartment hunting for weeks to find a new place of my own. I signed my new lease in May and I wasn’t due out until August.

Through all that he never once threw any of it in my face. All he wanted was for me to be happy, to be safe and to start over into the life I was dreaming about. All he ever wanted to do was help. He will never know just how MUCH help he’s provided since I met him until this day. He was always there and he’s never hid the fact that he wants to see me nothing but happy.

Out of a painful and shitty situation came a beautiful new beginning.

I know I don’t give Nick enough credit. But I plan to start. Because he deserves to know how amazing he is and how thankful both me and Sophie are to have him in our life.

Marriage

Cause we’re young and we’re reckless…

Funny how much can change in a month. In a week. In a weekend. In a day. In an hour. In one single fuckin minute.

I’ve tried and I’ve tried to stay positive, continue on this thin path of self recovery and rediscovery and find my happiness but something like that is hard to find when the person you’re with is on the complete opposite of where you are and isn’t interested in giving themselves the chance to change their own lives. Like my friend always tell me you can’t want something for someone more than they want it for themselves and expect it to happen. But if my job is to challenge you, push you, inspire you… why would you just turn your back on me so easily? Will you ever face the things that bother you?

Along this journey and along this craptastic year I’ve learned so much more about myself than I thought I ever would. I can not freakin wait for this year to finally BE OVER but in a really resistant sort of way, I’m glad that the shit things that happened, happened. Because it made me realize that maybe I’m not suppose to be here… with you. It opened my eyes to the things that, now thinking back, have always been there but I just looked passed them I guess. I never really pointed them out or paid much attention to it and now finally SEEING this, it’s driving me crazy.

I’m the type of person who has a million crazy idea’s and I get inspired super easily and the holidays excite me. I love the lights, the colors, the music, the air, the peppermint everything… I love it all. And when I look beside me and the person I’m with is sort of just grazing over everything, has no opinion on how to trim the tree, has no idea’s on how to decorate the apartment or on a tradition we should start… it kind of sucks. And my mom keeps telling me, she had do it too. My dad didn’t put much effort into the holidays but she put up the tree, turned on the lights, turned on the music, bought favorite foods… but she wasn’t happy. And it’s crazy to hear her tell me that 29 years later when I think about my childhood Christmas and how perfect things were before my dad went and shattered that image. I thought of how festive she made everything. I thought of how she keeps the lights on well after everyone’s fallen asleep and the music. So if I go to pee in the middle of the night the lights and music is still softly playing and the house is warm. And the cats are still awake. She pulled it together, for her kids. She tried to make it as normal as she could. And if I look back, I couldn’t tell she wasn’t happy.

I don’t know how many times I’ve called her crying and she’ll ask me what happened. She’ll ask if he hit me. She’ll tell me it’s okay to feel disappointed. It’s okay to be sad and angry. It’s definitely okay to cry and she will sit on the phone with me until I’ve slowed down and ask me normal questions, talk about normal things. Sometimes she’ll say something sarcastic and I’ll end up laughing when I cry. But she always tells me it’s okay to sit down and cry once in awhile, as long as you get up and do something positive and productive after. She knows how hard this is for me, because she went through the exact same thing and it sucks. It sucks that my biggest fear when it came to marriage is coming true. And I think of all that shit that’s like you subconsciously pick someone just like your dad. And crap like that. I mean, we were 19, does that really count? I didn’t know.

I took down the Christmas stuff, folded the tree back up and told him if he wanted Christmas then he can put the tree back up and the fairy lights I spent 4 hours making and he didn’t want to help me put them on. It’s cool, whatevs. But mom is right. This is my apartment and if I want to enjoy Christmas then I SHOULD. And no one should have the power to take anything away from me. I’m finally on my own and I can do whatever I want.

So let’s do that. Let’s deck the shit out of this apartment. Let’s run up the electric bill with lights. Let’s craft something festive. Let me make something beautiful and bright to send this shit year off with.

Cause 2015 is mine. And fuck you if you try to take it from me.

Hello

There’s really no good lyric for a title in this song…

SPiNNiNG: This Luv by Donell Jones ♥

It’s cold. I’m listening to mellow ass slow jams. And I have a slight headache. The only thing I’m really thinking is how much I would love to be standing at the pier in San Francisco looking out into the water tonight. There are moments I miss SF so fiercely which is crazy! After high school I’ve kept my distance from going there so often. I guess in a weird way I kind of ruined the city for myself. But it doesn’t stop me from missing it.

Living nowhere near a city really blows. There’s something about the busy of a city, the creativity in the air, everything just at your fingertips. I feel like I’m in the middle of nowhere here. What makes it worse is that almost no one speaks English. And I live in Florida, so what the heyhey is going on? Did I miss something?

Feb starts in 2 hours and like the turn of every new month I’m all MAKE ALL THE GOALS! I need to cool it lol. But there are some projects I want to work on for Valentines Day, even if they’re just for myself. It’s all good. Half the bills are paid for Feb and it’s still Jan. I’d call that pretty successful. Who knew having a calender would really make that much of a difference? Crazy right?

So Valentines Day is coming up and M still hasn’t asked me. I know; you’re married, does it matter? YES. IT MATTERS. CAUSE I WANT IT TO MATTER. OKAY? Gotta keep the romance alive folks. Or find any possible way you can to torment your husband. Whichever. But we were talkin about something and I was telling him that I never had a Valentine before we started dating. So… 19 years. I mean I had a Valentine for like the last hour of VDay once. Does that count? But you get what I mean. But I never really felt like I needed one… I had the most amazing and loving friends a person could ask for and my mom always gave me flowers and gifts. But now that I’m living away from my mom and I don’t have very many friends anymore and my husband isn’t one to take Valentines Day too seriously well… it gets a little lonely.

I know, how lame, right?

I think I’m going to wrap myself in my blankets like a burrito. Mmm. I could go for a burrito.

Hello

A day in the life…!

I know I’ve been super awful at blogging lately. I think I need to change my theme, it’s just not inviting enough for me. I know, super weird but whatever. In my defense, I’ve been crazy busy with work. I try to take as many pictures as I can so if I do blog at least I won’t bore you all with words.

I sort of discovered these new apps called Vine and Keek. They’re like instagram (sort of) but for videos. The cool thing about Vine is that it’s like a stop and go video but there’s no audio, which sucks. And with Keek, it’s legit like a 36 second YouTube video with audio. I wish Vine had audio!

So since I was doing a “a day in the life” video with Vine, I decided to do one with pictures too! This is pretty much how my every single day goes…

stuckinthislife_aday

  1. Up at 10:30AM — snacking on an Uncrustable (only in strawberry!) while doing blog work
  2. Getting ready for work. I’ve been reaching for my LORAC Unzipped palette a lot this week.
  3. I’ve also been obsessed with my new Nivea lip balm in Raspberry Rose. Tastes exactly like a raspberry Starburst. Exactly.
  4. Swifty speed walk to the bus stop.
  5. Struggled with my work locker.

 

It’s been beautiful here in Orlando the last few days… as it usually is when you’re stuck at work lol.

I usually get a little upset when I’m away from home in the spring time. It means I don’t get to spend Valentines Day, Easter or my birthday with my family which isn’t a huge huge deal at home but it means no Easter basket from my mom in the morning (yes I still get an Easter basket, don’t hate!) or flowers on Valentines Day from my mom. Yes, she likes to spoil her little girl with things like that (and she’s already confirmed I’m always going to be her little girl no matter how old I am. It’s because I’m short isn’t it?!). It’s the girls first Easter too and I’m sad I couldn’t be home to hide treats around the house for all 3 of them to find. I miss Snow girls so much. And Chammy Bear. I miss Cocoa too, but not as much as the other two. Sorry Cocoa lol.

But I did get this package in the mail yesterday!

stuckinthislife_aday2

 

Mom sent over a package of things for Easter (: she asked me what I wanted and I told her I didn’t know, surprise me lol. I’m pretty happy with what she sent. I was craving Filipino snacks this week so yay for that! The best part about coming from NorCal is that we have all sorts of Asian foods and snacks everywhere. It’s hard being here in Orlando where majority of the people don’t even know what a Filipino is. Or where we come from. I don’t think I’ll ever really get use to the culture shock I get every time I live here lol.

Ah, it’s that time of the day again… where I have to get ready for work. Til next time! Hope you all had a fantastic Easter!