Hello

If Only…

Pregnancy isn’t fun.

I’m not having fun.

But I’m very thankful the first trimester is over. I am very thankful the morning sickness has let up. I’m very thankful that there isn’t much ligament pain or stretching of the skin pain or very much cramping these days.

However; the headaches are still in full force. The discomfort is still (and I assume will always) is still there. Feeling like a turtle on its back every time I have to get out of bed is still a thing. Oh and having to pee 3-5 times a night is now a thing. And one new thing that happened this week was that I have so weird break out happening on the left side of my forehead, cheek, eyebrow and nose. I feel like they’re mosquito bites but at this point with side effects and hormones and such who the hell even knows anymore.

I am just thankful I can eat (almost) anything I want without throwing up my entire soul.

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Recap, Reflecting

Weekly Recap; July 30th – Aug 5th

Now that I’m writing these NOT on Sunday’s I’m throwing myself off! lol dang it.

It’s August; half of the year is already over! Fall is coming! Then the holidays! Then the year will be overrrrrrrrrr.

I always feel like when it hits this point of the year it’s like *cue panic mode* did I achieve anything yet?! And I happy with the progress I’ve made this year? DID I MAKE ANY PROGRESS? OH GOD WHERE’S MY PROGRESS?! How many books have I read? Blog posts have I written?

Like, it’s insane.

I’m trying not to do that right now but believe me when I say — I want to lol.

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Recap

Weekly Recap; July 23rd – July 29th

I’m trying to get back in the habit of doing these, so… yeah.

The weeks feel like I’m spending them waiting for my bed. Waiting for my vanity. Waiting to put my room together. JUST WAITING.

I had an interesting weekend though, so.

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; July 23rd – July 29th”

Reflecting

July so-far-recap

I noticed I missed a few weeks of recap posts, whoops!

Between finishing up packing, dealing with my shit ass apartment manager, moving, unpacking and settling in… I guess I just, dunno. Haven’t been keeping up. It’s sort of hard to believe I’ve been in my new apartment for over a week now! I absolutely love it here! So much more than my previous place. I literally feel like I’m living in some super fancy hotel resort. I mean come on, there’s a lazy river at my pool WHICH I CAN SEE FROM MY BEDROOM AND BALCONY by the way!

I can’t tell if this apartment is smaller, bigger or just about the same size as my previous place. I feel like the bedroom MIGHT be smaller but it’s still a big amount of space. I love how spacious the kitchen is and how much pantry space I have. I also love how big the bathroom is. I just don’t like that my washer and dryer is IN my closet as it takes up SOME space but… I’ll figure out how to work around it. But the tub and the shower? Oh goodness, I love it all.

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Reflecting

He’s a brainless, heartless, coward.

Friendships.

Are always pretty fragile to begin with, no matter how old you are. In some cases you find yourself walking on eggshells just to keep those friends. And the older you get, the better of an understanding you get when it comes to people, patterns and friendships. Which are worth holding on to, what it’s like to have ones that will ride or die for and with you, and the ones that seem to only be there when it benefits them.

There’s no solid blue print as to who is what. And at this point of my life I understand that as time passes, as life progresses, as experience hit us; we are capable of any direction of change. You could think you KNOW someone for a decade and be COMPLETELY utterly wrong. People can change for any reason at any time they choose to. People can outgrow other people. Could want to change their circle, their life, their direction and that could mean that you’re not part of that plan. And there’s seriously nothing wrong with that: find the people YOU vibe with.

I’ve never played the shit game of you’re-my-friend-so-you-cant-be-their-friend. If I stop being friends with someone I want it to be because I 100% decided to ON MY OWN. I don’t like ANYONE ELSE, no matter WHO they are, influencing who I choose to be friends with. I’ve dealt with enough loss in my life to know better than to get attached to anyone.

That’s not to say losing friends sucks any less cause sometimes it really really does and sometimes, you could lose a 2 year friendship and not even bat any eyelash.

In the years I was on FFXI I made several friends in 2004 who I’m still friends with today. It seems forming and keeping friendships on FFXIV is very different — then again it seems like the object of this game is very different as well. So perhaps that plays a bit of a part here.

I’m tired of being the villain in DUDES stories. I’m tired of being the back up friend, the second thought, yet they feel they’re entitled to play the victim. And it’s a wonder why I don’t care much to make friends, to entertain others or to even seek out relationships.

What’s the point of it all?

At the end of the day I still prefer my own company filled with music, books and pretty food. I’ve never been afraid to go to the movies alone or take myself on a date or a day of Disney park hopping. I’ve done most things up until this point by myself. So much that I feel awkward when I have to endure company because I like bouncing around all over the place without reason. I love massive amounts of freedom. And I like being with my own thoughts.

I don’t make any of this a damn secret either, so why do people expect something else from me? I don’t NEED anyone’s company, ever. I WANT certain people’s company. But you can’t tell a girl who’s moved across the country and jumped states that they need you. That seems like a long shot, don’t you think?

I’ll never beg for someone’s friendship nor their company. If you feel like my company and friendship is disposable, don’t worry. I’ll believe you the first time.

But if making me the villain, just like how you make everyone else when majority of your problems could be prevented if you would just keep your mouth shut — then go off. Whatever helps you sleep at night. Whatever convinces you, to yourself, that you’re a “decent” person. Just know I refuse to play a part in any of it. You’re on your own.

Forget I ever existed, kthx.

Recap

Weekly Recap; May 27th – June 2nd

This weekend has been busy. And it included lots of food. But I won’t include Sunday’s adventures until next weeks post. Boo.

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