Recap

Weekly Recap; June 3rd – June 9th

Welp, it’s pretty much mid June now.

Which means — packing season for me \o/.

My lease ends soon and thankfully I found a new home that I am IN LOVE with!

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; June 3rd – June 9th”

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Recap

Weekly Recap; May 27th – June 2nd

This weekend has been busy. And it included lots of food. But I won’t include Sunday’s adventures until next weeks post. Boo.

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; May 27th – June 2nd”

Reflecting

On relationships… and learning

Growing up I was in a shit ton of relationships in high school.

In so many in fact that I wasn’t really heartbroken if someone broke up with me because it was on to the next and I think as a kid you’re able to have that sort of mind set when really you should be focusing on graduating high school.

By the time I hit 18 and met my future husband I thought I knew a pretty good amount of shit by then. But as we all know, “love” can make you blind to things. And even when your vision starts to clear up, you’re so damn deep in it you can’t do shit now.

Through out that marriage I learned even more; that people can change even after 12 years of “knowing” them. That people are selfish. That people are cruel. That when someone SHOWS YOU they don’t give a flying fuck about you… BELIEVE THEM THE FIRST TIME. I learned about my worth. About the easy miscommunication between males and females. About picking my battles. About how toxic being jealous can be… to yourself (especially when the other person could honestly give less than a fuck about how you feel). About how to manage and maintain a household… by myself… completely. How to sort and file taxes. How to manage health insurance. How to be 100% responsible for 2 people as if one were your fuckin incompetent child. I learned about mental health and the extremes of my mental illness. I learned how to stop being afraid of being home alone and especially at night. I learned how to meditate.

So you’d think after all of that bullshit for 12 years I’d have even more experience when it came to relationships right?

Wrong.

So very fuckin wrong.

I learned what it was like to be in an abusive relationship. Three times in a row. I learned what it was like when you’re with the wrong person. I learned the dark side of relationships and companionship.

And I’m now realizing that what I learned back then, shouldn’t had happened. Shouldn’t make sense because it doesn’t.

And it’s mind boggling to realize that my entire early adulthood and my first marriage was based and built on a lie and on false grounds. As if it shouldn’t had even existed.

It wasn’t until I jumped into this relationship with Bubba nearly 2 years ago (today next month actually is our 2 year anniversary \o/) that I realized  I don’t know what being in a REAL relationship was like! I’ve always dreamt of the relationships you see on TV or in movies where they guy totally respects his girl and how he WANTS to do nice things for her, how he WANTS to make her life easier and always wondered if guys like that were even REAL. I always dreamt of someone saying “hey get dressed, I’m taking you on a date” or someone who actually celebrates holidays and anniversaries. And I remember being married and thinking I’ll never be taken out on a date. I’ll never get flowers. I’ll never have a REAL anniversary celebration and just forcing myself to deal with it.

There are some things I don’t like about Bubba. I don’t like that he’ll be quick to tell me about myself lol but I’m an Aries, we don’t like it in general. I don’t like that he won’t fight for our relationship. Meaning, if I decide to leave he’ll let me go; I’m not gonna lie… sometimes I get emotionally impulsive and sometimes I’ll break up with someone to see if they still care. Though to be fair, I haven’t pulled that shit on him in the last 2 years (and sometimes I’m still learning who I am).

But in the last 2 years, he’s taught me so much more than I ever thought I could learn, I suppose. He’s exposed me to what a relationship should be like and despite almost it being 2 years it still blows my mind. His kindness. His thoughtfulness. His compassion. His patience. All of it. It still sometimes takes me by surprise how kind he is to me. The things he does for me without skipping a beat. How much he cares that I’m comfortable and calm and how hard he works to make sure I am. He’s re-taught me it’s okay to communicate… that you SHOULD communicate. That my burdens don’t have to be mine to carry alone. That compromise can work and can be achieved. That you’ll meet someone who WANTS to take care of you AS MUCH as they’re capable of.

He’s shown me what it REALLY is like to have your significant other be your best friend. What it’s like to have an s/o who respects you and who will WANT to defend you against anyone who has something bad to say about you. No matter how small. That despite what others have said about me, I am worthy of being loved.

He’s taught me so much about what it’s like to be in a healthy and happy relationship. That you’re not suppose to have really good days and really awful days. That fights happen but you shouldn’t go to bed still holding on to the hurt.

And it’s crazy to think this guy who’s a good amount of younger than me and has never really had a long term relationship is capable of teaching me things I thought I had already known. Is capable of showing me something new ALL THE TIME. Is capable of showing not just respect to me but to my family as well. He’s given me everything I never thought I would have or have the chance to experience.

He fills every hollow void in my soul and I’m just having one of those moments when you sit back and thing damn.

Recap

Weekly Recap; May 20th – May 26th

I’m actually writing this on May 30th, since Bubba had a 3 day weekend but for the sake of NOT confusing myself next week we’ll pretend I wrote this on the 27th.

This week has been… emotionally draining. I like to pride myself on not being a jealous person or a psycho when it comes to relationships because I know how self toxic that can be; there are some things that bother me and I always struggle with I didn’t grow up with Bubba so I don’t know who Bubba was before he met me. I know about his life, but I wasn’t there to witness it and that’s something that I knew would somehow someway bother me when I got divorced; I watched my ex husband grow up. I watched him turn into who he is now. I know all his dirty little secrets that no one else will ever know.

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; May 20th – May 26th”

Recap

Weekly Recap; May 13th – May 19th

We were suppose to go on a date night last night but I got hit with my period on Friday afternoon and even though this month I DIDNT GET ANY PMS AS A WARNING it decided to fuck me up this weekend instead. I’ve always had really heavy and really short and painful periods because I’m under weight and anemic. So if it’s not insane cramps it’s fuckin crazy migraines and I’m ALWAYS so drained.

So. Date night was pushed back.

Sad days.

But very thankful that Bubba understands and tries his best to make sure I’m comfortable and takes care of me when I’m stuck in period pains.

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; May 13th – May 19th”

Recap

Weekly Recap; May 6th – May 13th

Not much went on this passed week; I found a bunch of throwback photos. I refused to take bubble baths while Bubba wasnt here because Spring brings bugs. Even if I do keep a can of RAID close. I only managed to put up one blog post this week. Hmph. I’ve been really tired and sleepy this week! I have no idea why! But it’s driving me crazy.

Last Sunday we went grocery shopping; and it was pretty damn productive. I miss Publix like crazy but Tom Thumb isn’t so bad. I wish there was a Trader Joe’s close to a Tom Thumb somewhere around here though, that would make things so much easier!

I also did a little cleaning; finally cleared off the side of the counter in the kitchen where the coffee machine is… the other side? Not so much. This apartment is big but small for a one bedroom… I mean it’s a decent size but it has no storage space. I don’t even have a balcony so yeah. This apartment will never be as organized and as tidy as I want it to be. Which worries me about the next place as well.

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; May 6th – May 13th”

Recap

Weekly Recap; April 30th – May 6th

Not even gonna comment on how fast time is flying. Months just zoom by and it’s so crazy. I’m highly convinced that the older you get the more the days speed up! Like now it’s 4pm and I swear it was just 230 like 5 seconds ago!

This week was pretty good and again I’m including Sunday since I’m writing this on Monday.

 

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I got myself the April Julep mystery box as a bday gift to myself and I don’t know… I’ve been a subscriber for like 5 years and I use to love these boxes but their other ones included makeup and skincare (which their makeup and skincare? I LOVE) but this one included mostly polish this time around and I don’t wear blush so… it doesn’t have any use for me. Not to mention I’m not too impressed with the polish shades that they included. I mean nudes are always nice to have around but I guess I was just hoping for something MORE.

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I also finally gave this a light and I LOVE it!

It smells like a watermelon Jolly Rancher! I didn’t end up going back for the Cactus one but it’s still heavy on my mind. I also heard that Bubble Gum was back up on the site last night but when I checked this morning it was all gone. Man that’s quick! Some day I’ll catch another one lol.

But highly impressed with this scent and throw. Not to mention I love this packaging though it’s very similar to the Fall one from last year with the “camping” collection. So I’m a little confused why they used the same theme. But the frosted jars are always nice.

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; April 30th – May 6th”