Weekly Recap; Feb 5th – Feb 17th

I’m actually writing this on Saturday and OMFGGGGGGGGG.

Whoever THE FUCK lives upstairs spent fuckin 1157pm to 3 fuckin am waking me up, saying “yeahh whoooo” and sounding like they were throwing chairs or some shit.

I even slept with EAR PLUGS and MUSIC ON.

I just don’t flipping understand, I seriously don’t.

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; Feb 5th – Feb 17th”


Weekly Recap; March 19th – 25th

I can’t believe how fast the month is going!

Two more weeks and Bubba will be here to spend a week with me for my birthday \o/ which also means… two more weeks until I turn 32. Ugh.I feel like I should feel old. I don’t look any older than 19 and I don’t act any older too, but I feel like time-wise, I could had done more with my life and my time. I don’t know exactly how since it’s not like I wasn’t trying or taking risks but sometimes things just don’t go as planned and that’s okay, what’s not okay is to sit around and mope about it like I have been for the passed few months now.

True things are harder without a car and things are harder when you’re doing them on your own but it’s the challenges in life that help us build who we ARE and to show us just how STRONG we can be if we just don’t quit.

Though quitting is so much easier than the other thing.

I feel like the majority of my 20’s was a waiting game. Waiting for a sign on what to do next. Waiting on a new dream/goal. Waiting for my marriage to magically fix itself. All of which didn’t happen so I feel like my 20’s were just me waiting around, for nothing. And I hate that and I hate thinking back to it but there’s nothing you can do about the past except plan better in the future.

Anyway, I’ll stop rambling, you’re not here for that today.

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; March 19th – 25th”


Top 5 Songs of 2016

I try to do one of these every year. Here’s the one I did for 2015. It’s always interesting to see what music did I listen to the most that year and with the help of Spotify I can look back without having to really think too hard. Although the list isn’t 100% accurate it’s still a bigger help than relying on my own memory lol! It doesn’t say what I listened to in the very beginning of the year but it does list some of my most listened to jams. Narrowing it down to 5 is gonna be the hard part!

Jealous by Beyonce

I was going through some stages of jealousy earlier in the year and this song along with Feelin Myself really helped me cope with that especially since I wasn’t “allowed” to talk about being jealous. Some people just aren’t worth your time and I get that now, thaaaaaaank god.

Oh also! Can’t forget Formation by Beyonce. I immediately fell in love with this track! So much that since I couldn’t find it I straight bought it on iTunes and played it non stop for weeks. I did not come to play with you hoes, I came to slayyyyy bitch!

Latch by Disclosure

This I would say was the one jam that I had on steady repeat for months. I still listen to it now. It reminds me of a brand new start and just good feelings and good times and lots of laughs. Religious by Ne-Yo does that too. Mostly of 6am morning talks that spanned all day long and talking about how I should own Nikes. Whatever lol.

Wind It Up by Todrick Hall

Picking the Todrick Hall jam of the year was a hard one considering that I’m IN LOVE with his whole Out of Oz album. Todrick was a discovery for the year thanks to my boyfriend Penny who introduced me to him during our nights we’d watch and share YouTube videos with each other. But I thought it was only right to go with the first song I was introduced to which is still one of my favs! And can we just talk about how he slays that Teddy Bear outfit? Like… can I do that?

In case you were curious to know what my favorite track from his Out of Oz album is… just gonna… leave this here.

Company by Tinashe

I fell in love with this song and this was another discovery for me. It just has that beat to it and it makes me miss my life in Cali — going to clubs and doing hoodrat shit with my cousin in San Francisco causing trouble and swerving on people. I should really take a trip back home soon! This video also inspires me to go to the gym and run my ass off. I’d love to be one of those sexy skinny girls instead of just… a skinny girl.

All Be So Simple by Mike B.

I fell in love with Hip Hop Jazz and I hella added this after I finished this list, but whatever! I HAD to include it in this list! This song opened up a whole new world for me and maybe a lifestyle change. I love how calming this track is. I just hate how I can’t find it on Spotify or anything, it’s just on Soundcloud and YouTube *sigh*.

Crush by Yuna

Another discovery thanks to my friend Chewy/Jessica. I immediately fell in love with this song that she suggested after I said I was looking for Hip Hop Jazz jams (which is another discovery!) and I just love that old school R&B vibe it gives off. Helps that Usher is on that track and actually singing too. Oh how I’ve missed old school Usher!

How Far I’ll Go from Moana

Okay okay, I had to include this because of REASONS. Reasons that I should just write a whole ‘nother blog post about. Like, this whole movie soundtrack was amazing! But this song is one that me and Penny would heavily repeat for like weeks. We’ve just now weened ourselves off of it.

Cause yo, yo… there’s a line where the sky meets the sea… and it calls me.

I definitely like the reprise version better though.

Yeah, I think I’ll write a whole ‘nother blog post on this cause it was just THAT good.

H O N O R A B L E    M E N T I O N S

Love Is an Open Door from Frozen

The Feeling by Justin Bieber

YouTube Hip Hop Jam

Feeling U, Feeling Me by Alicia Keys

Headlines by Drake

Dear No One by Tori Kelly

Buried Alive by Logic

Jealous by Nick Joans

Closer (cover) by William Singe

I’m glad I found so many different songs that I fell in love with. I love how there’s a string of songs that describe the timeline of me and Penny’s relationship.

What were some of your favorite songs of 2016?


It’s a 90’s night

I legit just made a Spotify playlist called “90’s Hits”. I’ve got some of my favorites like The Girl Who Has Everything by N*SYNC, Silly Hoe by TLC, Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden, Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon… I’m missing so many other tracks that I can’t remember right now. The 90’s was a big stretch of time now that I think of it lol!

I remember watching TRL, Midnight Love, CMC and whatever Tyrese use to host on BET. Man back when you would watch music videos on TV and not YouTube haha. Thinking you were cool cause you had those radios that had a tape AND CD player. We use to “jack boxes” which was pretty much jacking peoples voice mail’s and singing on our intros (you wouldn’t believe how many people had the password 1-2-3-4 for their voice mail’s or 4-3-2-1 like no joke). Back before the internet, smartphones and intense video games. When you’d spend the afternoons outside or watching movies in the living room (instead of by yourself with your tablet).

How did life and technology advance so quickly? I feel like those days are long gone. Long forgotten. Like we’re a secret society that remembers those days. It’s just insane to think about. Now we have MP3’s, Netflix and a million of reasons to never leave our rooms. We don’t even have to go out to buy makeup or even groceries anymore!

I’m going to take the next half hour before bed to soak up all my favorite jams from the 90’s and just remember for a moment. When life was much more simple.





Before you fade out of my life…

So hold me close, cause I feels so right. This is my last chance to make it real…

SPiNNiNG: Last Chance by Allure ♥

This was my late night jam summer of 2002. Ten whole years ago. And it still touches me the same way it back then. It reminds me of warm San Francisco days, a hint of loneliness, boys I never wanted to hurt and boys I couldn’t have. Missed chances and accidental ones.

I use to tell myself I’d write novella’s of my favorite songs. Whatever stories they told me. You know back when I thought I was a decent story teller? Back when I thought writing a story was cake? Yeah, now ten years later, I’m starting to think I was wrong somewhere. Or I lost a piece of myself. *shrug*.

I’ve been digging up my old websites (at least the URL’s I remember) from geocities and hosted domains through this site that lets you do that and it’s just insane. I miss making non wordpress websites. Of course I’ve been so out of touch with it that I’m not as good as others around the web, but I miss how it was my outlet. I miss learning. I miss feeling accomplished. I miss havingthat. You know? If I were to jump back in it, I don’t remember anything. I don’t know how to code CSS and I don’t remember how to slice in Photoshop. It’s a little depressing.

Summer is near, and I’m starting to revert back to zel. I don’t know why, but she’s just begging to come out and play and we’re not the same anymore. I’m not 17 darling, I’ve got homework and responsibilities  now, sadly this summer is not going to be about having fun, writing, web designing and San Francisco. I wish it was. I’m truly sorry, to both you and me.

Maybe someday I’ll have time. Time to do everything I want to do. See everything I want to see and feel free. Oh I’d love to feel free…


Through every single argument the two of us had…

Now Playing: Hello My Love by Pinay

Yesterday was sort of a total fail. Mochicream trip wasn’t as great as the first time. The two flavors we got (Chocolate Banana && Apple Pie) sucked. Didn’t end up finding any new clothes (M is incredibly hard to shop for). I did get Daisy by Marc Jacobs finally though. I found that Sephora gift card I was suppose to use on my Naked palette. Oh and M hit a raccoon on the way home…. the animal activist in me is really sad. But really, that fucker shoulda knew what it was doing. Gah. Why do animals do shit like that! If the texture under your feet is different, DON’T GO THERE.

Listening to some OG Fil-Am songs… *shrug. They weren’t really all that great times. But I dunno.

Open ended strings.

They suck.