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Weekly Recap; June 4th – 11th

Let’s pretend today’s Sunday, yeah?

This weekend was… kinda awful and anxiety inducing. Actually the whole week kinda was. I’ve had issues with bugs making their way into MY BEDROOM which is not cool; I hate bugs. Like, I hate them, they scare the shit out of me. I had 2 roaches, a random beetle and TWO FUCKIN WASPS make their way into MY BEDROOM. Apparently there was a gap or something in my window frame that was allowing them to come in. Like, what the fuck. Which is weird because I live on the THIRD FLOOR and I’ve been here for ELEVEN MONTHS and I’m just now having this problem?! Like, what changed? Wtf? It’s so weird and crazy! Like, WASPS? REALLY? What are they doing this close to a building? There’s no tree’s in front of my window. There’s nothing, it’s just a freakin parking lot out there so I’m totally confused. Anyway, maintenance came and fixed it but I feel like it’s not totally fixed, but I’m also paranoid, so there’s that.

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Weekly Recap; May 21st – 27th

And here we are, the end of May!

I. Am. So. Excited. For. June.

For hella various reasons.

But today I’m irritated af, though I doubt I’ll be writing why. I know this blog is suppose to be about me and my life and all my word vomit goodness but I’m not sure WHY it isn’t. Or why it’s so hard to talk about my thoughts and feelings and day. I use to do this every day after school in high school, like without fail. Why is it so hard now?! Sigh. Adulthood makes no sense sometimes.

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Weekly Recap; May 14th – 20th

May, you are moving WAY TOO FAST FOR MY LIKING.

Just saying.

My kitchen smells like ass right now, not that THAT’S anything ever new. Which I’m between so fuckin tired of it and fuck it.

I’m so excited to have my OWN OWN PLACE that I DON’T HAVE TO SHARE WITH ANYONE pretty soon. Like, SO EXCITED. Ya’ll have no idea HOW EXCITED I am about this!

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Weekly Recap; May 7th – 13th

Uhm, excuse me May, but can you like… stop moving so damn fast? I need to start packing this week. Or at least seriously start sorting through and throwing things away. Which doesn’t help when I keep getting mail.

I suspended my Candy Club box until Aug, I might just cancel it. I’m not sure yet. Which still leaves Julep, Graze, Ipsy, Sephora, Owlcrate and the 1up box I just signed up for. Yeah I might just have to suspend some of these so I don’t have to worry about losing packages in the mail.

So this week will be focused on sorting/tossing things I don’t use, haven’t used in the last 2 years and don’t see myself using after the move. It’s going to be hard and it’s going to suck a bit but it needs to be done.

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Weekly Recap; April 30th – May 6th

How the heck is it already May?!

How the heck is it already Sunday?!

Does time just zip by faster the older you get?!

WHAT IS GOING ON?!

So it’s Sunday again which means… another weekly recap! Yay!

Yeah I don’t think much happened this week. I did write a follow up email for the last moving company I’m waiting a response on and… nothing all week. I called yesterday and was sent to the main corp line since the offices were closed the weekend. So if I don’t hear anything tomorrow I’ll call again. But then Sophie also has her check up tomorrow and I’m really hoping she will be good and not crying and alla that. It’s my first time taking her to a check up by myself, so this should be interesting. Should I vlog this? #lifeafter30 #after30withacat #whatismylife

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Weekly Recap; April 23rd – April 28th

I’m writing this post a day early.

I was going to schedule this post for tomorrow and lie but what if something interesting happens today?! So yeah, I’m just posting it a day earlier, whatever.

Currently I’m a bit peeved at my roommate who decided to throw away raw chicken yesterday MORNING before she LEFT FOR WORK, leaving it to sit in the trash in the kitchen ALL FUCKIN DAY in 90* Florida weather; I turned off the AC for a bit because I was feeling sick and cold not realizing there was RAW CHICKEN IN THE TRASH. So the apartment pretty much ended up smelling like something fuckin died. All day. I asked her about it at around 10pm to which she told me she tossed chicken and would be taking the trash out to the dumpster. I was falling in and out of sleep and at around midnight I woke up to the smell of dead shit in my house, so I asked her if she tossed it and she said she didn’t but she would put it outside — trash gets picked up from Sunday to Thursday. So that means the HALLWAY would smell like DEAD SHIT. Cause that’s better. Not to mention she still hasn’t filled out a resident form for living here and she’s set to move out in June.

So yeah, I’m kinda annoyed.

I really do try to keep my apartment as clean and as tidy as my anxiety will let me. I also try really hard to make sure my apartment SMELLS GOOD. It’s so important to me that my place smells good and I feel like recently that goal is SO HARD TO ACHIEVE and it’s starting to really piss me off.

This is like the 3rd time she’s done this. Also, not including other things.

Sophie is crying at my door, what the fuck.

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Baby baby, I feel crazy…

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Abuse.

Relationships.

You never think it could happen to you. It could never be you. YOU would never be that stupid; especially if you managed to escape on abusive relationship.

But that’s the thing — you don’t realize you’re in an abusive relationship until that much later and until you feel so stuck you don’t know what to do or where to go.

The healing process is such a sticky stretch of time.

I can say this and that. I can act this way and that way. But sometimes in the middle of the day I’ll be afraid. Afraid to say something, afraid to do something, afraid to suggest something in my current relationship because of how past relationships played out. It’s not that I’m comparing my current relationship to my past ones, it’s just a fear. A fear that was relevant during a long period of time in my life and though I know I’m with someone who cares and who wouldn’t hurt me and who hasn’t hurt me for almost a year now, sometimes I can’t help but still be scared. To still hold back certain things.

Do you remember who you were before people told you who to be?

Sometimes I think I figured my own mind out, but then something happens or something is brought up to remind me that NOPE. Hella nope. I didn’t figure out shit.

While looking for the photo I attached above, which is yes, me; I ran into a bunch of other old photos. Ones I forgot about and ones that made me both mad and sad. I’ve never felt compelled to really delete photos or posts or a time frame of my life no matter how bad it was because pain helps you grow. However for this frame of time, I would happily delete everything.

As the days turn into weeks and months, and the events of that span of time start to fade away the reality is they’re not really fading but being phased out by new memories. I don’t like talking about triggers because I feel like it’s bad juju (I grew up in a household where you should never reveal your weaknesses) and because it’s not anyone’s business but mine really. I never have much to say considering when I am triggered, I withdraw from communication and hide away to myself.

Which in my current relationship my boyfriend is trying to get me to stop doing that and instead talk about it, if there’s anything he can help me with he wants to be there to help. Or even to just listen to what’s going on in my mind. And it’s not to use it against me later but to help me understand that he thinks I’m completely amazing despite my past and what people have conditioned me to believe. And that too is a scary thing to overcome.

I don’t really remember where I was going or why I decided to write this entry especially considering how vague everything turned out to be… maybe I’m still not ready to fully talk about it the way I want to/need to in order to heal, but maybe some time soon.

At least this is one step towards that.

Weekly Recap; April 9th – 16th

My birthday week celebration \o/

I’m skipping this last week cause it was pretty much me being lazy and trying to recoup from the week long vacation/staycation.

Bubba flew down here on the 9th to spend my birthday week with me. It was his first time on a plane by himself, the first time he’d ever been to Florida and his first time at ANY Disney park. Which blows my mind considering how much of a Disney fan he is! But I was pretty excited to have him here and share all my favorite things and places within Disney limits with him!

This post is gonna be LONG and super picture heavy.

A P R I L   9 T H

He landed at 945am, I took an Uber to the airport since my roommate had her guy over and I didn’t know so walking in on that was awkward. Anyway, I had a really cool Uber driver who made the drive that early in the morning that much better. And I sat and waited for him. He told me 915 but meant 945, his flight left TX at 615 is what it was. It’s okay, at least I wasn’t late. Went on an epic adventure to find the Magical Express once we got his luggage.

Got to the resort, checked in, paid off the rest of the stay and had them hold our luggage/bring it to our room when our room was ready (I love how convenient Disney makes everything!) and headed to Disney Springs. This day we settled for just relaxing and spending the day at Disney Springs just to introduce him around. He ordered my birthday cake and we had lunch at T-Rex which he enjoyed \o/ we also got a night show for Power Rangers at the dine-in theater. Beauty and the Beast wasn’t until 3pm and we were gonna head back to the hotel around that time so we couldn’t make that time frame. After lunch we walked around, I showed him around. At 3 we headed back to the hotel, they texted me about an hour after we got to Springs that our room was ready (wayyy before 3pm!) and our stuff was already in there. We went to make sure. And it was all there! I took him around the resort; I opted for All Star Movies (which I had stayed in before and loved it) and he was loving all the big figures around the resort. We were put in Fantasia which was nice and close to the pool (I was in Dalmatians before and it was farther back). We hung out in the hotel for awhile, it was really hot so being in a cool AC room was nice.

We headed back to Springs right before the movie.

The movie itself was epic except… when did Rita get so damn creepy?! Also the food was SO disappointing! I got the Teriyaki bowl and the rice was SO dry and it had NO sauce! Also the vanilla milkshake wasn’t the best even if it came with an ice cream sandwich. I couldn’t take pics of any of the food cause it was so damn dark. So yeah, BLAH. BLAH on that experience! At least the movie was good.

After the movie we walked around some more.

I loved seeing how excited he was about seeing everything. He kept telling me to take pictures of EVERYTHING lol. I guess I’m spoiled since I see this stuff all the time that I never know WHAT to take pictures of! But I remember how excited I was about everything the first time I ever came to Disney, though in 2011 it was VERY different than it is now!

Also, can you spot the hidden Goofy in the last picture?

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Weekly Recap; March 19th – 25th

I can’t believe how fast the month is going!

Two more weeks and Bubba will be here to spend a week with me for my birthday \o/ which also means… two more weeks until I turn 32. Ugh.I feel like I should feel old. I don’t look any older than 19 and I don’t act any older too, but I feel like time-wise, I could had done more with my life and my time. I don’t know exactly how since it’s not like I wasn’t trying or taking risks but sometimes things just don’t go as planned and that’s okay, what’s not okay is to sit around and mope about it like I have been for the passed few months now.

True things are harder without a car and things are harder when you’re doing them on your own but it’s the challenges in life that help us build who we ARE and to show us just how STRONG we can be if we just don’t quit.

Though quitting is so much easier than the other thing.

I feel like the majority of my 20’s was a waiting game. Waiting for a sign on what to do next. Waiting on a new dream/goal. Waiting for my marriage to magically fix itself. All of which didn’t happen so I feel like my 20’s were just me waiting around, for nothing. And I hate that and I hate thinking back to it but there’s nothing you can do about the past except plan better in the future.

Anyway, I’ll stop rambling, you’re not here for that today.

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