Recap

Weekly Recap; Jan 7th – Jan 13th

It’s the second week of the year, already.

I still can’t believe it’s 2018! My goals are still kind of all over the place but Bubba keeps reminding me that January is a “trial run” month but still holds me accountable for the goals I do have set in place.

So every week I have to create something; this week it was suppose to be a YouTube video. I don’t know why filming is so hard for me lately, but also the sun is barely out since it’s been 19*-38* the last few weeks. It’s been COLD here lately! A cold that I’m not entirely use to.

I can’t remember exactly what went on this week — which is why I do these recaps!

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; Jan 7th – Jan 13th”

Advertisements
Hello, Recap, Reflecting

Goodbye 2017

IMG_5599

If I had to rate 2017 on a scale it would probably be a 9/10. Overall, it was a pretty great year and it was one of the best years I’ve had in a really really long time.

I’ve gathered almost 80 photos for this post, but I’ll try to cut that down as much as I can. Though as I’ve said before, this blog is primarily used as an archive for myself ūüôā

Continue reading “Goodbye 2017”

Hello, Recap

Weekly Recap; Nov 5th – Nov 11th

I can’t believe how fast this year is just FLYYYYYING on by! It’s pretty much mid November now meaning Thanksgiving is not too far away and once that happens it’s full blown Christmas until the end of next month.

The temp has been dropping here like crazy and I’m pulling out all my hoodies and I need to find my sweaters as well as reorganize my closet to fit all the winter clothes now that summer is finally gone!

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; Nov 5th – Nov 11th”

Hello, Recap

Weekly Recap; Oct 15th – 21st

It’s so crazy to think another week of October is down! I’ve only finished 2 books this month so far and I’m still struggling through Winter. But the books I had intended to read for my October Challenge haven’t exactly been read yet and I’m trying my best to not feel like a failure. Trying. Really hard.

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; Oct 15th – 21st”

Food, Hello, Reflecting

Weekly Recap; Sept 3rd – Sept 9th

The months are getting colder, which is exciting!

And the weather has been perfect here in Texas. I’ve missed real Fall’s!

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; Sept 3rd – Sept 9th”

Hello, Reflecting

Weekly Recap; August 27th – September 2nd

Goodbye August, GOODBYE!

HELLOOOOOOOOOO FALL!

2U by David Guetta (ft. Justin Bieber) has been on repeat like all week. I don’t get how it could be BY someone but obviously The Beibz is the only one speaking on this track lol. That part always confused me! I get that it might be David’s beat but Justin’s on it but still, I’m sure you know what I mean lol.

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; August 27th – September 2nd”

Reflecting

For 12 years, I waited…

I took a Disney solo trip yesterday, the first time in¬†two years! It’s crazy to notice how much my life has changed in the last two years, in the last 3 years, in the last 4 years. And how quickly and vastly it changed too.

I was walking through Tomorrowland in Magic Kingdom to get to Main Street so I could find a good spot for the Festival of Fantasy parade.

And as I was walking through Tomorrowland and passing the race cars, then the bathrooms, then the ice cream shop, making my way around People Mover (which I wanted to get on but I didn’t want to risk missing the parade), passing Buzz then Monster’s Laugh Floor I got hit with random memories.

In 2011 when myself and my then husband first did our Disney College Program he was put in Tomorrowland which at the time I thought was funny because right before our program I finally got around to watching Toy Story and fell in love with Buzz Lightyear. How ironic he was working that attraction. During his training he was with two girls — Allison and Zafi. Zafi seemed to have a crush on him from day one whereas him and Allison “naturally” just didn’t like each other. After their training was over the next thing I knew they were¬†best friends and weeks after that going on¬†best friend dates, whatever the fuck that even is.

Call me crazy but how could you possibly be¬†best friends with a girl you hated just less than a month ago that you barely know? Maybe it’s just me but if I’m¬†married to someone, I better be your only female best friend (besides if you’ve had one since you were a kid, that’s different. But no new bitches)! Every group of interns had a dance at the end of their program, I’ve always been insecure (or I was, I’m not anymore) about wearing dresses but a friend of mine went dress shopping with me for this dance. Everyone told me how cute I looked… everyone but my husband who didn’t say¬†anything. Yet the next night after the dance I found text messages of him messaging Allison about how¬†beautiful she looked or how¬†pretty she was¬†through out the week or how¬†her hugs made him so happy he didn’t want to let go.

Clearly after finding shit like that you’d be curious to know what the FUCK is going on. Though he assured me nothing was going on as they kept going on “best friend dates”. They often took midnight trips to Wal-Mart, alone. There were rumors going on about them and one of his friends — Amy had dropped some info on my lap at one point. He found out I had been talking to Amy and got mad at me. That began the whole “I don’t want you coming to see me at work” and “I don’t want you talking to any of my friends”. So I was a bit banned from Tomorrowland, any time I would stop by when I was in Magic Kingdom just to say hi he would get angry. I often left heartbroken and sad; but one thing that always stopped me in my tracks was Wishes, the fireworks show. I would be on my way out as quickly as I could but Wishes always stopped me. I’d stand on Main Street and watch it until it was over.

Even years later and many girls of the same situation later; when I moved behind Magic Kingdom, the nights he’d leave me alone to hang out with yet another girl I wasn’t allowed to meet¬†ever, I’d sit in front of my apartment on the curb and watch Wishes (without the music, but it was still just as magical).


For 12 years I waited for him to¬†be a husband, considering he’s the one who wanted to get married in the first place. Not me.

For 12 years I waited for him to defend me against his family who would talk crap that didn’t make sense about me, but he never did.

For 12 years I waited for him to defend me against one of his hoes who had something bad to say about me, but he never did.

For 12 years I waited for that¬†fairytale¬†element of marriage where you’re in bed together at the end of the day talking about your day, it never happened.

For 12 years I waited for him to say, “hey, I know you’re stressed from school and work let me take you out to dinner”, but he never did.

For 12 years I waited for him to… I don’t even know. But waiting for 12 years for things that were never going to happen was 12 years too long.

Everything that went wrong was naturally my fault. Everyone who had something bad to say about me I deserved it.

Things only got worse from Allison, maybe I’ll write about the others another day. But for now, I just needed to get this off of me.

I’m mad about the things that happened, the things that went on, the things that¬†kept going on, the fact he couldn’t man up and apologize, at the way I was treated and how situations were handled. I knew I deserved MORE and BETTER than that and yet I stayed. I stayed because I was scared. Scared I would never find a bond like the one I had with him. So I stayed, and kept getting pushed to the side for other people.

And now, years later, I wonder why. Why did I think I would never find a bond like the one I had with him? Why did I think that was as good as I was gonna get? That’s such an insane thought. There are 7 billion people in this world, who is he in the sea¬†all of them?

And now, years later I’ve found someone who I have an even stronger bond with, a bond I didn’t think was even real. And for almost a year he’s helped me through every step of every single healing process that’s come up.