How do you do it, you got me losing every breath…

SPiNNiNG: Latch by Disclosure

On days or nights I get really bad anxiety or I just don’t feel like talking I tend to blast the hell out of this song — it reminds me a lot of when I first met Penny and how obsessed we were with each other. Of course, five months later it’s hardly like that anymore. That’s just the typical timeline of a relationship.

Last night was weird; the day was fine. Nothing triggered me, nothing really went on during the day. Everything was fine. I had a bit of a reality slap during my late lunch but it wasn’t anything epic or serious really. Just the realization that I don’t have a s/o’s company this holiday season is a thing that’s happening. And it made me realize I haven’t ever been alone alone since I was 17. Granted I was married for 11 years but still, the realization that you’ll be completely alone during the holidays after that long of not is something that can be hard to swallow sometimes. It definitely puts a little bit of a panic on my mind but I’ll be fine, I’m sure. It’ll just be… different. And a lot more empty. But people go through this all the time, right? It’s not fatal.

I got sent home from work early and did a little bit of shopping so I mean, that was pretty exciting and happy.

So I went home and I went to unpack the Christmas stuff and put away the Halloween stuff. I’m not happy with it just yet but I’m still trying to figure out what to do with the place too. I still need to tidy and all of that — I’m hoping to get most of that done within the next week. Mostly because I’m tired of the mess around the place. And the boxes. But I found my small white tree that typically goes in my room. My theme this year are reds/browns/steampunk even though my room has white lights and garland. It’s whatever. One of these years I’ll go full on theme-y.

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It wasn’t until later that night that I got anxious and depressed and I couldn’t really figure out why. The last thing I remember was looking through the Christmas stuff that Nick had packed away and remembering what last Christmas was like — before he started being mean and how fun it was going all out with someone who was just as excited as you were to decorate the place. Our apartment was a Christmas wonderland last year. I loved it. I loved it so much. I was actually really sad when we had to take everything down.

But that isn’t really something to be sad about. And it was way random. I was always about making my own traditions and I have a good handful of them. Why should this year be any different? It shouldn’t.

But yet last night was still really rough and annoying anxiety-wise.

I just started feeling worthless and hopeless and not worth anyone’s time. I was basically throwing myself a really intense pity party and it’s been a good while since I’ve done any of that crap so I wasn’t too happy with myself because I’m suppose to be stronger than that. I’m suppose to get those thoughts out of my mind before they take over. But I couldn’t and I didn’t.

I’m a little better now though and I suppose that’s all that really matters.

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When Your Partner Has Anxiety: A Meltdown Guide

FOR ANYONE DATING ANYONE WITH ANXIETY OR DEPRESSION:

1) DO STAY CALM
2) DONT ASK THEM TO MAKE DECISIONS
3) DO TAKE CONTROL
4) DONT ASSUME THEY CAN ASK FOR WHAT THEY NEED

I can’t even BREATHE when I’m having an anxiety attack asking me over and over again “what’s wrong” will make me literally want to beat your head in. Wouldn’t you think if I KNEW what was WRONG I wouldn’t be flipping the fuck out? It’s like your mind just short circuits and you can’t think straight. You don’t know why your heart is beating so rapidly or why you’re having a hard time breathing and the only thing you can think of is CALM DOWN. Cause if you don’t calm down it will only get worse. And I know in my case when it gets worse I start trying to destroy things because I get angry that I can’t calm down.

The best thing to do is either squeeze the person in a tight hug until their breathing starts to slow down or distract them. And be stern about it and make it something small, not something that would require thinking.

Just saying.

Kyla Rose Sims

TW: I swear a lot in this article.

What do you do when your partner is having a panic attack or a depressive episode?

It can be really scary and super frustrating watching someone you lovego through an episode, especially if you don’t know how to be helpful.

This Meltdown Guide was created to help those of you who are in love with people who struggle with anxiety and depression to feel like you can be helpful when your partner seems to be spiraling.

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30days

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How did it go from 40-something days to just thirty?

One month.

In 30 days I’ll be in another state probably freaking the hell out.

I’m sure freaking the hell out.

104% sure I’ll be freaking the hell out.

So 30 days from now I can look back on this blog post and remind myself that you were sitting in your room, listening to Congratulations by Ne-Yo, thinking of spraying down your closet with body spray — again, taking a break from NaNoWriMo, freaking out.

I hope you’re having fun future Hazel, just sayin.

Maybe I should start at the beginning?

One day I met a boy.

And he was all over the place.

Literally.

He was dropped into my life 2 days after a very traumatic situation and 1 day after getting my heart broken.

But he made me laugh.

And after spending a little bit of time with him and taking screen shots (the one where my character is wearing pink is still one of my favorite screen shots we’ve ever taken — and it was the day I asked if he had a mat I needed for something I wanted so he came and found me while I was fishing and decided to hang out with me for awhile, after that we just kept hanging out) we kinda just clicked. I added him on Facebook and started a poke war to get his attention, though I’m starting to think that getting his attention wouldn’t had been as hard as I thought it would be.

He’s totally random. He busts out singing randomly. Everything from slow jams to Disney songs to Wicked. He wants to know everything I’m thinking. He wants to know how anxiety and depression works and how it impacts me and what he can do to help. He wants to know what my life was like. He wants to know what my day was like. He wants to know what makes me laugh and what makes me mad. He sings to me at night. He spoils me every chance he gets. He makes sure I go to bed feeling loved and laughing, every single night, for the last 5 months. He wakes me up every single morning with “good morning beautiful”. He proposed to and married me in FFXIV. He calls me his wife in real life. He constantly tells me he’s proud of me (even though he also tells me I can’t do something knowing it’ll make me mad and push me to do it). He reminds me when I need to get certain things done. He pushes me to blog, vlog and read. He cheers me on. He watches movies and reality tv with me. He listens to me rant and rave. He tries to make sense of my nonsense. He’s constantly looking at me with what he calls “I need you” eyes. He’s my best friend and I don’t know what I would do without him.

He came out of nowhere and just fell into my life on a total whim.

And my life hasn’t been the same since.

I haven’t been the same.

And I kinda like where this is going.

National Suicide Prevention Week

Why is it just a week? Why can’t it be a month?

With the increase of suicides you would think there would be a little bit more talk about suicide prevention or mental health awareness and less about why weed should be illegal. But that’s not how society or the human mind reacts. We follow the media, we follow what our peers say, we follow what we think is “cool” to fit in. To not be the outcast. We strike to be the same instead of being different. Like it’s a bad thing. We adapt other peoples ideas, thoughts and beliefs instead of attempting to find our own.

In the past I have spent a lot of time talking about mental health. Sharing as much of me and my journey as I can. And lately, I’ll admit, I’ve been slacking. My mind has turned into mush and I can’t even stitch together a presentable blog post without scrapping the whole thing and giving up, thus resulting in nothing. So today, screw perfection. Screw presentable, screw everything. I finally feel like writing again so that’s what I’ll do.

I’ve struggled with depression and suicide since I was 13. Anxiety since I was 19. Started therapy at 19. Had a mental break down at 29 and decided to go against my word to myself and take meds. Had a jackass boyfriend at 30 who hated I was on meds and made me quit them resulting in four months of complete torture withdrawal symptoms. Ironically that was just the beginning of series of physical pain I would endure in the next year and a half and that alone should had been a red flag. But that’s another story for another day.

It bothers me that people are so quick to judge those who attempt or commit suicide. Saying they’re selfish. Did they not think of the people who CARE about them that they were LEAVING behind. Did they not think of what would happen AFTER.

No, no they really really probably were not. Because when you’re in that dark ass mind set of doing whatever you can to kill this intense pain surging through your body and fuckin with your head and your emotions all you can think of is MAKE IT FUCKIN STOP. Is it really SELFISH? When you’ve lost all kinds of control and your mind is warping every thought you have? You don’t know what fight they’re fighting in their heads so how could say it’s selfish? How could you say they’re being inconsiderate?

I wish the world would wake the hell up and educate themselves on mental health. On suicide. On depression. On anxiety. ON BEING DECENT FUCKIN PEOPLE. But this is life and this is reality and none of that is going to change any time soon.

Love the people you love hard. Listen when they speak, really listen. You don’t know who’s day you’re making by just doing that.

And on any other day I’d say…

Today was a special day at some point of my life. It was significant. And the reason why doesn’t really matter anymore.

I feel like it should be weird I don’t talk to my ex husband anymore. Or it should be weird that we’re not friends but honestly, it doesn’t feel weird at all. That bond or connection we had before is completely gone and besides asking him if he has something of mine or information I need for documents that happened in our old life I find no reason to talk to him and I’m totally okay with that.

It should be weird to stop talking to someone you’ve talked to every single day since you were 17, shouldn’t it? For some reason for me, it’s not. I guess I’m one of the lucky ones.

Lucky if you consider the fact that my ex husband was creeping around behind my back and lying to my face and turning into some monster I didn’t know over the span of a year thanks to someone he claimed he “saw as a little sister” then dates her after you file for divorce even though she’s in her own country now and to find out shortly after he moves to her country like you can just do that or something.

You seriously don’t know how shady or how stupid people can really be until you divorce them.

I don’t even hate him anymore. I don’t hate her either. They deserve each other.

This year, is my year and I refuse to let them take another year of my time after the two they already took.

I have a legitimate family to take care of and legitimate legal business to handle.

Speaking of…

I’ve been watching YouTube videos based on watercolor. Peoples speed sketches and tutorials. Finding out that I can in fact watercolor my Frozen adult coloring book. Like, that’s awesome news. Buuuuut, I kinda wish I had watercolor pencils to work with since it would be easier than working with gel watercolor paints and making a mess. But who knows, maybe the mess will be fun. I figure it’ll help me practice getting the hang of it all before I start my own sketches and stuff.

Speaking of my family…

Jane is begging to be fed. Cat diets are such a struggle when they give you sad eyes. Sigh.

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How can you say no to that face?!

Hello 2016

2016.

Wow.

Me and you WordPress have been in this for 5 years.

Insane.

I usually have this insane burst of creativity to goal make until my finger falls off when New Years comes around. This year I’m kinda just… whatever happens, happens. I didn’t even partake in my usual traditions last night. Mostly because I was tired by 9pm and already ready to go to bed (is this what getting old feels like?!) but Nick wanted to stay up until midnight, which of course he did because he can’t sleep anyway.

So we played Mortal Kombat and watched the countdown go on. He got out the sparkling apple cider and the fancy glasses. When midnight struck we took pics then kissed haha. Then I went over to snuggle Sophie and give her kisses too.

She’s now sleeping in her cat bed next to me. It’s been awhile since she’s slept in her cat bed, and next to me. She’s been kicked out of the bedroom because she decided to take a kitty stand and pee AND poop on the bed. In the covers. To which I did not discover until after I had taken a shower and was curled up in bed. Also, I did not notice that she had pooped on my sleep shirt I was wearing either.

Great aim Sophie Bear, great aim.

I’m still trying to figure out what’s stressing her out and causing her to act out.

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I made one of these last year too. A much angrier version.

But instead of doing “resolutions” this year, I’m doing goals and of course #onelittleword again because I kinda like the idea.

This years word is Focus.

Nick likes to remind me everything that I’ve accomplished and endured in 2015. Saying that I did great and that I did more in one year than he could ever imagine. But yet it doesn’t feel enough. I didn’t cross anything off my list except for adopt a pet. Oh and I graduated. But I didn’t read more than 10 books (out of the 50-60 I usually aim for), I didn’t learn to make Macrons or Marshmallows or plushies.

My word for 2015 was Rediscover and I think I did a good job of keeping that word in mind through out the year.

So some of the key points of 2015?

  • Finally filing for divorce
  • Adopting Sophie
  • Successfully navigated through Tinder
  • Met a boy
  • Moved an hour away from home
  • Created a life in another city
  • Found a second family that accepts me for me
  • Graduated college
  • Grew my twitter and instagram following
  • Stopped depending on Zoloft
  • Made new friends
  • Got my hands on the Rose Gold iPhone (thanks babe!)
  • Survived my first year of divorce despite the fact I’m still dealing with debt my ex husband left behind and the fact he sold a car I could had totally used and had put in money for while we were still married so he could move to Australia to move in with his 22 year old girlfriend who he was cheating on me with all of 2014 when she was interning at Disney here and who he said was “just like his little sister”. Yeah she doesn’t look like that when she’s sitting on your lap wearing a red dress with her boobs hanging out. Gross. AND I had to find this out for myself because he’s a pile of shit.

 

Thank goodness my life would never suck so hard I would have to leave the country just to survive. Sometimes I make some really shitty choices. Like who to date/marry.

I have a list of goals I hope to achieve this year (in other news…) and though this isn’t the complete list, it’s some of the more important goals.

  • Start blogging more/start making YT videos again
  • Continue to build instagram/twitter audience
  • Start meditating again
  • Try 5 new eats
  • Read 50 books
  • Start a savings account
  • Move
  • Travel
  • Excel in school (I’m not done just yet!)
  • Learn to make Macarons
  • Learn to make Marshmallows
  • Learn to make plushies
  • Learn how to trade Forex
  • Relearn how to play the piano
  • Learn Spanish
  • Learn a bit of Japense
  • Touch up on Tagalog
  • Touch up on Cebuano
  • Touch up on French
  • Touch up on makeup skills
  • Stay more active
  • Stay on top of things

I need to work on purging some stuff and organizing my stuff much more better. This clutter is starting to really get on my nerves.

The fact that I’m no longer on Zoloft is amazing. I mean, I still get anxiety and I still get that kind of anxiety where it feels like someone is stabbing you in the chest and twisting slowly but my anxiety isn’t half as bad as it use to be. I’m very lucky. The withdrawal only took about 3 months to pass too.

So here’s to a new year waiting to be filled with new accomplishments and new adventures!

You are now on the other side of sanity…

I came across this blog under my “On This Day” app for my old FB page this morning. I remember those days and it’s so strange to think that they were five years ago. And that my life is nothing like that now.

This year the holidays/December isn’t as festive as I had wanted/hoped they would be. I guess it’s still better than last year when I had pretty much nothing though, right? Still I had hoped to go to Disney yesterday which didn’t happen and it looks highly unlikely that I’ll be going at all in December. I’ve only been to Magic Kingdom ONCE since I moved to this shit ass boring city and I haven’t been to any of the other parks since before I moved. And I moved here in July. So…

I honestly sometimes feel like I went from a fucked up marriage to a struggling relationship and that’s not what I wanted. I’m so burned out by other peoples problems. I’m suppose to be focusing on me. I’m suppose to be doing things that make ME happy. I’m suppose to be selfish for once. To live my life the way I want to. And I’m back to feeling like I can’t do that — still.

Oh well, I guess there’s always next year.

I guess.

Single > Divorced

I stumbled on this little article published by Psychology Today titled “If Being Married Is So Great, Why Do So Many People Cheat?” And a quote really stuck out to me.

“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.”—Oscar Wilde

The first thought that popped into my head was, I would had rather never gotten married than to experience divorce. It’s like that stupid quote that use to float all over AOL, “It’s better to had loved than to never had loved at all.”

Okay, before you assume everyone feels that way, I’m here to smack you with the fact that some of us would had rather be blissfully UNAWARE.

Although it should be noted that the events of widowhood, and perhaps divorce as well, appear to have long-lasting negative effects.

Awesome, I’m ruined for good. For a marriage I didn’t even want in the first place.

Now I know saying I would rather had never been married than had been divorced is such a heavy statement. But the truth is, I never wanted to be married to begin with. I don’t believe in marriage. And for the most part I don’t think my ex husband did either but since we had been dating for over five years, he felt that the only logical thing was to get married. As much as I had stood my ground against this, he joined the military and well, in order to stay with him we had to get married. Which resulted in the stressors of putting together a “decent” wedding, in eight weeks. I managed to pull it off (and at this point, I’m certain I can make ANYTHING happen after that experience) but I remember crying the night before my wedding because I really did NOT want to get married. I didn’t feel like, even through out my wedding day, that this was going to change anything. You see, my ex husband has always had a child’s mind the whole time we were dating and up until recently I realized I was married to a narcissist (but that’s a different entry all together). So while he made promises of trying harder and all this and that — through our five year marriage none of that happened. Everything was still up to me; financially, emotionally, living wise… he never took part or responsibility or helped when it came to our marriage. Only to, in the end, cheat on me from some girl from fuckin Australia that he worked with that I wasn’t allowed to ever meet, see, or talk to. Oh and he’d hang out with her till 3AM several times a week and not tell me where he was with her. Not to mention he would also spend about 16 hours a day with her once or twice a week. For a year. Not including the times I caught him lying or in another city with her.

Yeah.

So that pretty much solidifies the fact that I think marriage. is. bullshit.

Now I know that every experience is different and every person is different. But it brings truth to this statement.

Analyzing the empirical findings concerning the marriage paradox requires a subtle approach. Indeed, one longitudinal study of the impact of marital transitions on life satisfaction reveals that people who get married and stay married are indeed more satisfied than on average, but they were already so, long before the marriage took place. It seems that, often, happy people are more likely to get and stay married. On average, people get only a very small boost from marriage; most people are no more satisfied after marriage than they were prior to it.

So this suggests that if a person, prior to marriage was already a miserable fucked up person then marriage wouldn’t be able to help that.

I’m again, not saying this is true for everyone.

But it was true in my own situation.

As much as I would love to bash my ex husband I gotta take some credit for this.

I suffered from depression, anxiety and OCD before and during our marriage. His extreme outings with his whore pretty much caused my brain to short circuit and I had to take medication because my anxiety attacks were SO bad. Didn’t help that he refused to leave his date no matter how awful I felt. Taking the medication helped, I felt a sense of emotional freedom I had never experienced before and I gave less of a shit about him and what he was doing behind my back. It didn’t turn me into an emotionless zombie like I had hoped, but it did assist me in getting my mind right.

This also reminds me of a video I stumbled on on Facebook last night called, “I’m a husband, not a boyfriend.”

 

 

Shareeff talks about how he’s a husband before his wife even comes into the picture. He prepares himself as a husband therefore he don’t spend time with girls who are only “girlfriends”. And every thing he mentions really hit home with me. Thinking back on my previous marriage, there was no other step after getting married. My ex husband did not believe in self improvement (yet he rubbed it in my face after marriage that he eventually did and how he’s a better person than me and oh he’s dating that “friend” who he thought of as a “sister” that he dipped out on me for during our marriage), did not believe in stepping up to provide for his family. He didn’t have that mentality. He probably still doesn’t. But he would be considered a “boyfriend” and not a “husband”.

That puts proof into the statement that PT had stated. If you go into something a certain way, that way will continue. When you go into a relationship and decide to go into a marriage but have no intention of changing your ways to suit the relationship then what exactly are you doing besides robbing the other person of something that could be great for them?

I’m not saying I was the perfect wife. Not at all. I had my own issues to deal with. But I did try everything I could — while dealing with my own crap — to help him the best way I could. I offered advice. I offered suggestions. I gave him his space. But none of it was enough. Nothing I said stuck to him at all because he didn’t want my help. All he did was play victim and talk down to me.

Good God, this has turned into like a fuckin academic analysis paper.

While my marriage was an awful experience it did help me grow. It sure did teach me A LOT about myself. Things I was too afraid to face. Things I was too scared to even attempt to overcome. It pushed me to better myself and I found a road to recovery.

But a part of me does wish I never had to experience it. That I could still be blissfully unaware of the downside of marriage and divorce. That I wouldn’t be so jaded or hesitant. That I would still have these good thoughts and ideas when it came to marriage and forever instead of thinking that I’m doomed forever.

But it might also be because the pain is still fresh. Get back to me next year, I’m sure I’ll have my head screwed on a little bit better then.

Hey wassup, hello!

… yeah, that really just happened.

I blame Nick for being so obsessed with Fetty Wapp. Not that he’s a bad dude (Nick OR Fetty) or that his music sucks (cause it really doesn’t) but… well okay the whole blame can’t go to Nick. Some of it goes to a meme I keep seeing around Instagram. It’s pretty great. I’d include it in the post but you can’t right click and save Instagram images. But it basically says something along the lines of…

Be your own trap queen, cook your own pies, hey wassup hello to your damn self.

It makes me giggle every time I see it.

Anyway

I know I’ve been gone a long long long time. I just… haven’t felt up to writing lately. And that’s okay. I’m not going to beat myself up for it like I was at some point.

This year has been challenging and weird and tiring and just down right… I’m so ready for it to just be over. Not that anything is really going to restart once the new year comes along but I can pretend and sometimes, that’s all you need to stay sane.

I’ve been a bitter mess lately. For a number of reasons (the third year in a row I don’t get to see my family for the holidays, the first holiday season being a divorcee, living in a city I know nothing about, my ex husband is a complete dipshit that I wish would find his way to the bottom of a lake, did I mention not being able to see my family… for a third YEAR in a ROW?) and one night I burst into tears in the middle of telling Nick something I found on Instagram and slipped into a really weird panic attack.

Nick, being the overly amazing supportive boyfriend he is dropped his game controller, rushed over to me, took me in his arms even though I had just showered and was in my pj’s and my anxiety woulda killed me at that point, wiped away my tears forcing me to look at him and he was like, “hey, you’re with ME now. we’ll go, and you’ll be totally fine, and we’ll make our own memories. okay?”

I can’t put into words how amazing it is when the person you’re with knows how much something means to you. How much it hurts you at the same time and how badly they want you to have amazing memories instead. He tries SO hard.

Since then I see all these other people in worries within their own relationships and I wonder why they stick around to be treated like that. Don’t they know that someone amazing is out there waiting for someone exactly like them? And so many of these things I look and think with complete confidence Nick would NEVER do that to me. And I realize how lucky I am. When I look back at the beginning of our relationship, it blows me away just how lucky I got.

It was Nick who drove me to the courthouse to get the right paper work to file for divorce in April even though my ex husband grabbed the papers that previous of November but grabbed the completely wrong papers not to mention my ex husband had refused to sign and file his half. It was Nick who took me apartment hunting for weeks to find a new place of my own. I signed my new lease in May and I wasn’t due out until August.

Through all that he never once threw any of it in my face. All he wanted was for me to be happy, to be safe and to start over into the life I was dreaming about. All he ever wanted to do was help. He will never know just how MUCH help he’s provided since I met him until this day. He was always there and he’s never hid the fact that he wants to see me nothing but happy.

Out of a painful and shitty situation came a beautiful new beginning.

I know I don’t give Nick enough credit. But I plan to start. Because he deserves to know how amazing he is and how thankful both me and Sophie are to have him in our life.

September Goals

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I know people say this about every month but seriously… can you believe it’s already September?! Because I seriously can not! That means I’ve been with Nick for five months. Sophie has had her forever home for six months and in two months I’ll be graduating from college! This fall is big on celebration!

Not to mention I’m launching two businesses this month as well and starting a new job.

Yeah, it’s going to be a busy fall and winter!

But isn’t it crazy how life falls together after it falls apart? This time last year I was a complete mess. My marriage was falling apart. I was calling the suicide hotline more times than I should be. I was heavily on anti depressants. My favorite toy was a knife I kept hidden under my clothes in my nightstand. I had a husband who couldn’t bother being there for me. He was too busy entertaining some 21 year old girl until 3am multiple nights a week for a year. I honestly never thought that this time last year that my life could be as good as it is today. I honestly thought I wouldn’t even live to see today.

I recently cut off all contact with my ex husband. Because the truth is he’s not my best friend. He’s not someone I can trust. How can you be “best friends” with someone who constantly LIES to you? How can you trust someone like that? And for him to go off and start dating the girl who ruined our marriage? He never respected me and this just proves it so why should I keep him in my life? Who cares if he’s the closest thing I have to family here? Nick’s family has had no problem including me into their home and their lives, making sure I’m okay when my PMS is too heavy. Nick acts more like a husband than my own ex husband ever did in the whole 12 years we were together. I always think about the day I met Nick in person and how natural I felt around him. I was my usual hyper chatty GUESS WTF JUST HAPPENED TO ME self. I wasn’t shy, I wasn’t self conscious. Nothing. I felt like I was seeing a friend again after a long time of not seeing them.

Anyway, off topic. Whew, sorry!

S e p t e m b e r   G o a l s !

→ Launch both businesses
→ Update resume
→ Read 8 books
→ Acquire Pikmin for Wii U
→ Start blogging regularly
→ Update blog themes/layouts
→ Pass this class with an A+
→ Start a savings account
→ Start meditating and light yoga every morning
→ DRINK MORE WATER
→ Eat better
→ Plan for October November and December
→ Tidy apartment and full on decorate for Halloween
→ Stick to Yankee Candle products
→ Give Sophie a soapy bath
→ Organize bathroom
→ Start journaling
→ Keep up with gratitude jar
→ 
Do a better job of keeping in touch with friends
→ Close several credit cards (I know but it has to be done)
→ Don’t sweat the small stuff
→ Read more comics
→ Finish watching Sword Art Online

 

 

I’m sure there are more important things I want to make sure I do this month but this is all off the top of my head. I’ve been majorly hooked on Sword Art Online the anime lately. Nick has a CrunchyRoll account and pretty much any anime that has to do with people being stuck in an RPG is my jam lol. But I’m absolutely enjoying SAO and I just found out that they’re releasing a SAO game for the PS4!!! OMG I’m so excited! I know I’ve been fighting with Nick over the fact I don’t need a PS4 right now  but now that SAO is coming out… well I need one. Like. Yesterday. Even though the game doesn’t come out until some time next month. But Nick did pre-order it for me (thanks babe, you da best)! Eeeeeeeeee!! He also found this RPG app for the iPhone I was watching him play while we were waiting at the bank earlier today and it was so cute I had to download it. I’m such a sucker for RPG’s with cute mobs!

I’ve been doing a lot more gaming and obsessing over video games like I use to once upon a time that Nick keeps saying “WHY DONT YOU JUST APPLY HERE” every time I go to GameStop to ask if something is up for pre-order and how much of a drag the fact that it’s not up for pre-order is going to be. I guess it turns him on to know his girlfriend nerd speaks lol! Other than that we’ve been collecting collectibles and board games. We just got Disney Infinity which I’ve been fighting him NOT to get but 3.0 is everything you had hoped 1.0 would had been. We got the Star Wars starter pack (naturally) so that’s pretty exciting. Haven’t run into any Sith’s yet but I’M READY! Haha.

Okay enough babbling, I have stuff to get done!🙂