Reflecting

Dreams for sale… and fairy tales…

I have this problem; every time I get hit with an insane amount of anxiety or have an anxiety attack I don’t talk. I don’t reach out for help. I don’t run to anyone for comfort. I don’t expect comfort — and I don’t want comfort. I don’t want someone to feel obligated to give me comfort.

And I know why I’m this way.

And sometimes knowing why I’m this way makes the anxiety hurt even more. It makes me cry a little harder. It makes the throbbing in my chest a little more intense. It makes the reckless thoughts a little bit stronger.

The demons I face because of anxiety, the fears and the things that hold me back are all products of someone else’s reaction. But it was years of this very same reaction and it took years for me to realize that I could not go to this person for help. This person was not who I thought they were, they were not going to be there for me through sickness and health. They refused to be my strength when I fell, instead they kicked me even harder while I was down and told me to man up. To wake up and get rid of it. They accused me of not trying hard enough. Of not wanting to save our marriage because I wouldn’t just stop.

And now, even years later and years away from them I still fall into the same pit of fear — I’m afraid to ask for help. I’m afraid to ask for comfort. I’m afraid to let anyone see me break down. I don’t want anyone to feel bad or anyone to touch me or speak to me when I’m having an attack. I just want to be left completely utterly alone.

And I don’t know how to break out of that. I don’t know how to start reaching out for help.

Hopefully I can soon find a solution…

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Hello

Krispy Kreme adventures

I’m part of the Krispy Kreme rewards program (because when I lived in Florida I had to get my weeks worth every weekend) and I had gotten an email about half off a dozen assorted donuts so naturally I was like, hell yes.

I absolutely appreciate that my boyfriend knows that the majority of the time I buy snacks to take photos of them. And he totally understands. Well, as much as he can.

So we went and grabbed a dozen donuts and I had the hardest thing picking which ones. But the chocolate sprinkles are by far my favs!

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Sadly the Snowman was crushed on the way home.

Continue reading “Krispy Kreme adventures”

Food

Fort Worth, TX: Sushi Nikko

On a trip to Kohls I couldn’t decide what to eat and saw a Sushi place listed somewhere in the plaza we were in and suddenly, I wanted Sushi.

So we set out to find this Sushi Nikko place!

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We started with the “Summer Meets Winter” roll which had a lot of really good stuff in it and was topped off with Coconut shavings. Here’s the actual description:

Crab Meat, Eel inside, Mango, Avocado, Coconut Sprinkle on Top

And it was goooood! I don’t know what that sauce on it was but it was a nice balance for all the different flavors going on in the roll.

I had debated between getting Udon on a Bento Box and ended up getting the Teriyaki Beef Bento Box in the end and I absolutely regret nothing!

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The Gyoza’s were PERFECT! I’m so sad I only got two and the Ginger Dressing on the salad was so satisfying! It’s crazy — I typically don’t like Ginger, at all. But I love love love Ginger Dressing at Sushi places! Everything about this plate was just amazing. I loved it all!

I’m glad my boyfriend enjoyed it as well since Sushi isn’t his first choice when it comes to finding a place to eat lol. I hope to go back and try the Udon next!

Hello

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

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Christmas time definitely has me a lot to be excited about — there’s just something so magical in the air during this time. All the lights, Peppermint and Gingerbread flavored everything, all the colors, all the cute holiday gift sets to view in the stores, all the decorations put up everywhere!

I was hoping to be a little bit more prepared for Vlog and Blogmas this year and yet I wasn’t, I’m SLIGHTLY disappointed in myself but not by too much. I just don’t really like scrambling to figure out content for THAT EXACT DAY. I use to be so much better/more organized when it came to blogging. Whatever did happen to those days?!

I’ve been adjusting to the cold weather here in Texas; I’ve grown so use to 90* year round weather from living in Florida for the last  years that adjusting to a cold winter again after that long is a pretty hard transition! It was snowing in Austin a few nights ago but so far no snow here in DFW! Sucks! I’m waiting on it! It snowed last year, the weekend AFTER I went home. Other than that the fact I’ve had a cold since October that seems to never be going away and just increasing and decreasing has been rather annoying. So I’ve been coughing my nights away and feeling drained during the day.

Still, I won’t let it stop me from enjoying as much of a real winter and a real Christmas as much as I can!

I still have yet to decide to bake anything this holiday season and while I’ve filled up my Pinterest boards with loads of idea’s I haven’t still decided on one particular one to try out just yet. I mean I’ve decided on one, so hopefully next week I’ll get to attempt it!

I’ve also got to do something about my kitchen set up because I still have the Halloween runner on the table and that’s just gotta go! It’s just getting all the bits and bobs off that table (that shouldn’t even be there to begin with) that’s part of the problem. Ugh.

I’ve decided go cut down on the things I have going into 2018 because it’s just all starting to drive me nuts, then again I say this pretty much twice a year. So we’ll see how that goes. But I’m really hoping to tidy up my place a lot more before Christmas and New Year’s gets here! Having a dizzy cat who tacks cat litter everywhere certainly doesn’t help but I need to see what I can find to help her keep that litter off her tiny little paws.

There’s not very many adventures planned this month sadly like there was last year but it’s okay, adjusting to this weather and to other things are a little bit more important to me at the moment and I’ll make up for it next winter when I hope to be more prepared for 40* – 30* days! Thankfully my mom sent me some cute winter clothes she had found and Bubba got me some fleece pj’s I had wanted from Target yesterday when he went to grab me some stuff. And he also got me this really cute Grumpy Care Bears fleece poncho with a hood! I’m pretty obsessed with it already! I just threw it in the wash so I don’t have pictures.

Speaking of, I need to make it into a habit of taking more photos with my actual cameras and less with my phone (which I’ve also been saying for years…) just because the iPhone photo quality is starting to bother me a bit. Sometimes it’s really nice and clear and other times it’s blurry af. I don’t know why that is but sometimes it just is. So yeah, I need to make it a point to start using my actual camera.

I’m 18 books behind on my goal of reading 36 books this month, whomp. I highly doubt I’ll be able to catch that up by much but I could try. I borrowed some shorter Middle Grade books from the library from a series I wasn’t aware was still being made and Bubba let me open one of the Middle Grade books he got me for Christmas called The Magic Misfits by Neil Patrick Harris so those are definitely going to go on my TBR pile for this month.

What are some of your plans this month?

 

Food

Snack; Dragon’s Breath

I don’t remember where I came across Dragon’s Breath from — but I’m gonna assume Instagram as that’s where I come across 90% of my food discoveries. As far as I know though there were only primarily places in SoCal to get this (as it seems like that’s suddenly the hub for getting the newest types of snacks, lucky them!) so when I saw a kiosk at the mall here selling them on Black Friday I didn’t waste much time picking one up.

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It was actually really hard to snap a photo of the smoke coming off of it! And sadly that effect didn’t last too long.

They’re dumped into I believe Nitrogen and flash frozen. So touching one is like touching a frozen pole, stuff like that freaks me out so I used the pokey stick. My boyfriend however didn’t care too much and just started popping them in his mouth.

The crunch to them was kinda painful in that “tooth freeze” kind of way but you did blow out smoke as you bit down on it. It was a cool effect even if you couldn’t yourself see yourself do it. And even if it was just for a short time.

The taste overall for this snack however I didn’t care too much for… I thought they were cereal balls and my boyfriend said they were Cheetos. I think I read somewhere they ARE Cheetos of some sort… despite the bright colors? Strange.

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(Also strange, I’m listening to relaxing sounds on YouTube right now that claim to rid you of headaches and anxiety and my headache is slowly fading, uhm has this practice always been a thing?!)

It was a pretty fun experience but not something I’d make a habit of doing. But glad I could cross it off my foodie bucket list!

Have you ever or ever wanted to try Dragon’s Breath?

Recap

Weekly Recap; Nov 12 – Nov 18th

NaNoWriMo really helps you be aware of how far in the month November really is. And how much you didn’t do/get done lol. But I must admit, November so far has been very very interesting…

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; Nov 12 – Nov 18th”

Hello, Recap

Weekly Recap; Nov 5th – Nov 11th

I can’t believe how fast this year is just FLYYYYYING on by! It’s pretty much mid November now meaning Thanksgiving is not too far away and once that happens it’s full blown Christmas until the end of next month.

The temp has been dropping here like crazy and I’m pulling out all my hoodies and I need to find my sweaters as well as reorganize my closet to fit all the winter clothes now that summer is finally gone!

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; Nov 5th – Nov 11th”