Me to not give a flying fuck about compliments.
I’ve noticed the more I post selfies on my MAKEUP INSTAGRAM, the more I get random guys sliding in my DMs.
Like this one I got on Sunday.
I grew up obsessed with finding a boyfriend in high school. I knew I wasn’t by any means “pretty” especially by what teenage boys find pretty. I was skinny. I super shy and I looked like a nerd. I was so obsessed with being liked and it really shot at my self esteem when I realized I was never going to be popular or liked. It didn’t help I had a childhood friend who was the most discouraging piece of shit in the entire world. The girl was fuckin abusive.
It got to a point where I was tired of waiting so I’d ask the guys out. And I got more rejections than you could even imagine. But I convinced myself that at least I knew. At least I could move on.
When I finally did start dating a few years later, I had at that point stopped really caring what people thought. I was a tomboy and I embraced the shit out of it. I played video games. I watched wrestling. I dressed in baggy clothes, bandannas, hats. I embraced every side of me — my sadness, my hyperness, my sillyness, my sarcastic sense of humor, my idgaf attitude and if someone didn’t like it they could go. I wouldn’t miss them at all. I had found my group of friends and THEY loved me (they still do to this day!) and that’s all that really mattered. And I found when I had hit that point of my life, I attracted even MORE guys and for the most part, guys that I actually had shit in common with and that I had a lot of fun being around. And one that was actually really popular (we’re still pretty good friends to this day).
By the time I had gotten married my then husband wasn’t a jealous person. He didn’t care if I had guy friends or if I hung out with guys since he knew most of my friends growing up were guys and most of his friends growing up were girls. So we had that bit of an understanding. But it seemed when it came to guys wanting to go grab dinner to catch up or if someone I worked with bought me a drink or lunch just to be nice (even though my ex husband at the time would freely admit he didn’t care if a guy bought me dinner cause it meant that was dinner he didn’t have to pay for, nor did he like going to dinner or that he ever even paid for dinner — looking back on it, that was a pretty shitty thing to say to someone who’s suppose to be your wife) was when he would show a bit of jealousy. But if he did the same then he’d accuse me of being “crazy” or “psycho”. However the more it happened, he started to put me down.
The way I looked, the way I dressed, my fuckin face, my personality. It’s like he pounded it into my head that I wasn’t pretty and that I wasn’t funny or interesting. Even though he would voice multiple times he hated how easy it was for me to make friends and how it wasn’t fair. I’ve never been anything but myself. I talk too much. I’m a super open book. I don’t like lying. If I offer to do something for you it’s because I sincerely want to. And every time I’d say I was a good person he would always say, “no you’re not, you’re fuckin psycho.” when I wasn’t. I never was.
He betrayed me too many times and made me do “psycho” things because he kept lying and hiding things from me.
But after years of hearing all this mess, it really plays tricks on your psych.
I don’t take easy compliments as compliments, I think they’re fillers or things people say to other people that they think they want to hear. I get you can’t really compliment someone who you don’t even know but perhaps you shouldn’t start your conversation off with a compliment to begin with.
Messaging someone with just hi seems lazy and pretty damn artificial.
As someone who runs a business account and other business blog types of account I suppose I expect something more from a first message. Even if just by his one hi already gave away why he even messaged me in the first place.
It’s seriously annoying.
My Instagram is full of makeup and pink, why the FUCK would you message an Instagram account that clearly does not look like a personal account? I will never understand the logic of idiots.
Not to mention my boyfriend is all over my fuckin feeds as well! Did they just SKIP those parts?
Which also shows the disrespect most guys on the internet have. I swear to God whenever a guy says some snarky shit about it it makes me want to track them down and hit them in the fuckin throat with a 2×4. Sorry, not sorry, some girls don’t like being hit on and don’t think you’re being funny.
This isn’t my first message and tbh I’m super getting tired of this crap.
If you’re not interested in makeup or candles or girly shit please exit off my damn feed, thanks.