Reflecting

Sometimes I really hate iPhones

It all started when my iPhone force updated; I personally hate doing iPhone updates. For one, I barely ever have any memory because I hoard photos, screenshots and videos like no ones business. Which makes my life difficult in general since I use my phone for pretty much everything — social media, taking product shots, vlogging and editing my videos. So to add on iPhone constantly asking me if I want to update… well it just irritates me. I hit “remind me later” for like months. I pretty much don’t update my iSO until I upgrade my phone lol!

So it force upgraded one night which freaked me the hell out cause it did the whole “Welcome!” “Set up your iPhone!” bitch what? My iPhone is already set up! Thankfully after that screen was gone all was well. Nothing was deleted, nothing was missing. Whew.

Then the other day it asks me if I want to import my photos to my cloud. Normally when I get a new phone I start it as a new phone just to keep my photos organized. I always answer this question wrong for some reason. So I hit yes.

Well… it decided to download every picture on my cloud since 2013 on my current phone. ALL FUCKIN 23K OF THEM. Yup. So my phone was madd heating up and constantly binging with the “error, you have no more memory” shit again. I decided to reverse this awful idea and in the process I LOST ALL MY PICS FROM AUGUST AND SEPTEMBER but somehow it kept my favs from 2013? Fuckin really?!

I literally don’t understand the optimize feature for photos when it comes to the iPhones and the folders when I go in to transfer them to my laptop are confusing as hell (some folders have ONE PHOTO IN IT, why. Just why.) and I never know how to fix it.

So here I am, with a whole month and a half worth of photos missing, other photos scattered and other photos from 2013 on my device.

WHY ISNT THERE AN OPTION TO JUST KEEP THE PHOTOS I TOOK ON THIS PHONE ON THIS PHONE.

So yeah, I’m pretty stressed out right now.

I think once it hits October I’m going to just wipe my phone and redo everything cause this shit is a mess. And I wanna just cry.

OCD probs.

Fuckin sucks.

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Food, Hello, Reflecting

Weekly Recap; Sept 3rd – Sept 9th

The months are getting colder, which is exciting!

And the weather has been perfect here in Texas. I’ve missed real Fall’s!

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Hello, Reflecting

Weekly Recap; August 27th – September 2nd

Goodbye August, GOODBYE!

HELLOOOOOOOOOO FALL!

2U by David Guetta (ft. Justin Bieber) has been on repeat like all week. I don’t get how it could be BY someone but obviously The Beibz is the only one speaking on this track lol. That part always confused me! I get that it might be David’s beat but Justin’s on it but still, I’m sure you know what I mean lol.

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; August 27th – September 2nd”

Hello, Reflecting

Six years on WordPress.com \o/

6years

This popped up on my notifications yesterday and I never really remember when I started this blog so thanks for annually letting me know WordPress.com!

It’s been 6 years since I started this go for anything blog and it’s been a very interesting journey. I can’t say I’ll recap my favorite blog posts because I don’t know if I have any honestly lol! I know I have a few favorite weekly and weekend recaps I use to do back in 2012 when my weekends/weeks heavily were filled with pics of food place I use to go to when I lived in CA the last time but I know they’re also filled with talks of stress, migraines and being sick ALL THE TIME and it’s crazy when you finally NOTICE that the environment and the company you keep can play a huge role in your overall health.

No matter what I did or how I tried to help myself, ultimately the company and the energy you’re around can still mess it all up for you. And that is such a sad and frustrating thing to witness.

I know I talked a lot about how much I hated being married and how shit my marriage was and I still think it was if I’m being honest. I know I started being super active on this blog to combat jealousy and it seems like “combating jealousy” was a very frequent theme in my marriage and the relationship I had after my marriage. And both situations were just sad.

Things that I hope to incorporate on this blog in the future is more positive posts. More posts about what I’m DOING in life. I don’t take AS MUCH pictures as I use to about MY LIFE these days, I mostly take a lot of screenshots. I don’t go on adventures as much and I really hope to change that in the future especially because I’m in a brand new state and there’s so much to be discovered here! I hope to include more posts about how to battle anxiety naturally (and hopefully will stumble on a way to battle migraines naturally if there is a way!) and how to be a better version of yourself.

I know most of this stuff should go on my lifestyle blog and channel [which is HERE in case you’re curious] but I feel like I put too much pressure on myself there to really start writing so maybe if I just start here, some of the posts here will make it there as well. I mean, it’s not a bad idea.

So here’s to another year or two or six.

Thanks WordPress, for being there.

Reflecting

Sometime’s life gives us the hardest lessons…

 

Last Memorial Day weekend the morning sickness of my first pregnancy was kicking my ass and hard. But I had no idea at the time it was morning sickness or that I was pregnant. I wasn’t throwing up, I was just feeling… weird. Like not dizzy but not really well enough to sit up for a long period of time. I’m not really sure how to describe it.

It wasn’t until a week of it progressing, and quickly that I decided to take a pregnancy test. I was pretty sure there wasn’t any way I could BE pregnant but I just felt weird.

Normally, when you get pregnant by someone you’ve been dating for over a year and live with you’d probably assume hope you wouldn’t get the reaction I did.

So I went to take the pregnancy test. I was the first to see it since I was the one who went to check on it, it was boldy positive. And just a huge rush of emotions drowned me. I never wanted kids but I suddenly felt so very protective over it and I actually started crying. No joke, I was crying. I wasn’t sad. That was the surprising part and I wanted to tell my mom so badly. I was actually excited. Scared as fuck, but excited.

He went in after me to check the test.

He didn’t say anything.

He walked out, grabbed his phone and the first thing he said was “we need to find an abortion clinic.”

I don’t need to describe the emotions that came after that statement left his mouth.

He didn’t ask me how I felt. He didn’t ask me how I felt about it. He didn’t even acknowledge my reaction. He blankly walked out of the bathroom and grabbed his phone. That night while I was laying in bed he spammed me with links via text message of abortion clinics he found in our area.

Continue reading “Sometime’s life gives us the hardest lessons…”

Hello, Reflecting

Weekly Recap; April 30th – May 6th

How the heck is it already May?!

How the heck is it already Sunday?!

Does time just zip by faster the older you get?!

WHAT IS GOING ON?!

So it’s Sunday again which means… another weekly recap! Yay!

Yeah I don’t think much happened this week. I did write a follow up email for the last moving company I’m waiting a response on and… nothing all week. I called yesterday and was sent to the main corp line since the offices were closed the weekend. So if I don’t hear anything tomorrow I’ll call again. But then Sophie also has her check up tomorrow and I’m really hoping she will be good and not crying and alla that. It’s my first time taking her to a check up by myself, so this should be interesting. Should I vlog this? #lifeafter30 #after30withacat #whatismylife

Continue reading “Weekly Recap; April 30th – May 6th”

Reflecting

For 12 years, I waited…

I took a Disney solo trip yesterday, the first time in two years! It’s crazy to notice how much my life has changed in the last two years, in the last 3 years, in the last 4 years. And how quickly and vastly it changed too.

I was walking through Tomorrowland in Magic Kingdom to get to Main Street so I could find a good spot for the Festival of Fantasy parade.

And as I was walking through Tomorrowland and passing the race cars, then the bathrooms, then the ice cream shop, making my way around People Mover (which I wanted to get on but I didn’t want to risk missing the parade), passing Buzz then Monster’s Laugh Floor I got hit with random memories.

In 2011 when myself and my then husband first did our Disney College Program he was put in Tomorrowland which at the time I thought was funny because right before our program I finally got around to watching Toy Story and fell in love with Buzz Lightyear. How ironic he was working that attraction. During his training he was with two girls — Allison and Zafi. Zafi seemed to have a crush on him from day one whereas him and Allison “naturally” just didn’t like each other. After their training was over the next thing I knew they were best friends and weeks after that going on best friend dates, whatever the fuck that even is.

Call me crazy but how could you possibly be best friends with a girl you hated just less than a month ago that you barely know? Maybe it’s just me but if I’m married to someone, I better be your only female best friend (besides if you’ve had one since you were a kid, that’s different. But no new bitches)! Every group of interns had a dance at the end of their program, I’ve always been insecure (or I was, I’m not anymore) about wearing dresses but a friend of mine went dress shopping with me for this dance. Everyone told me how cute I looked… everyone but my husband who didn’t say anything. Yet the next night after the dance I found text messages of him messaging Allison about how beautiful she looked or how pretty she was through out the week or how her hugs made him so happy he didn’t want to let go.

Clearly after finding shit like that you’d be curious to know what the FUCK is going on. Though he assured me nothing was going on as they kept going on “best friend dates”. They often took midnight trips to Wal-Mart, alone. There were rumors going on about them and one of his friends — Amy had dropped some info on my lap at one point. He found out I had been talking to Amy and got mad at me. That began the whole “I don’t want you coming to see me at work” and “I don’t want you talking to any of my friends”. So I was a bit banned from Tomorrowland, any time I would stop by when I was in Magic Kingdom just to say hi he would get angry. I often left heartbroken and sad; but one thing that always stopped me in my tracks was Wishes, the fireworks show. I would be on my way out as quickly as I could but Wishes always stopped me. I’d stand on Main Street and watch it until it was over.

Even years later and many girls of the same situation later; when I moved behind Magic Kingdom, the nights he’d leave me alone to hang out with yet another girl I wasn’t allowed to meet ever, I’d sit in front of my apartment on the curb and watch Wishes (without the music, but it was still just as magical).


For 12 years I waited for him to be a husband, considering he’s the one who wanted to get married in the first place. Not me.

For 12 years I waited for him to defend me against his family who would talk crap that didn’t make sense about me, but he never did.

For 12 years I waited for him to defend me against one of his hoes who had something bad to say about me, but he never did.

For 12 years I waited for that fairytale element of marriage where you’re in bed together at the end of the day talking about your day, it never happened.

For 12 years I waited for him to say, “hey, I know you’re stressed from school and work let me take you out to dinner”, but he never did.

For 12 years I waited for him to… I don’t even know. But waiting for 12 years for things that were never going to happen was 12 years too long.

Everything that went wrong was naturally my fault. Everyone who had something bad to say about me I deserved it.

Things only got worse from Allison, maybe I’ll write about the others another day. But for now, I just needed to get this off of me.

I’m mad about the things that happened, the things that went on, the things that kept going on, the fact he couldn’t man up and apologize, at the way I was treated and how situations were handled. I knew I deserved MORE and BETTER than that and yet I stayed. I stayed because I was scared. Scared I would never find a bond like the one I had with him. So I stayed, and kept getting pushed to the side for other people.

And now, years later, I wonder why. Why did I think I would never find a bond like the one I had with him? Why did I think that was as good as I was gonna get? That’s such an insane thought. There are 7 billion people in this world, who is he in the sea all of them?

And now, years later I’ve found someone who I have an even stronger bond with, a bond I didn’t think was even real. And for almost a year he’s helped me through every step of every single healing process that’s come up.